


Blackbird (Draco Malfoy)

by maiadiggory



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26562880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maiadiggory/pseuds/maiadiggory
Summary: "Blackbird singing in the dead of night take these broken wings and learn to fly.All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise"Just like an origami bird, Draco Malfoy is fragile and unable to fly free. That is until his bird accidentally lands in the palms of Seraphina Knight.started- 31st August 2020finished- ......
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter One- Then There Was You._ **

<https://youtu.be/Jnpw_YyuC-A>

**_a/n : I hope you enjoy the first chapter of Blackbird I know it's long I just wanted to get it kickstarted fully x_ **

........................................................................................................

_"Sometimes you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time"._

**Seraphina's POV**

Running through the corridors of the castle my heart thumps away in my chest, almost mimicking the stomping of my feet on the harsh stone floor - being late for Mad Eye Moody was not the way I wanted to end my day.

But then again neither was falling straight into a circle of Slytherin boys huddled suspiciously outside Professor Moody's classroom. When I crashed into the back of the tall mystery boy, all of my homework comes falling apart from within my hands, sprawling itself across the floor and yet he doesn't even seem to flinch. I look up as I collect myself ,almost thinking I saw him gazing down at me just from the corner of his eye but I wipe this idea from my mind as I realise I _will_ be late if I mess around any longer. 

As I walk into the classroom I glance back hoping to catch sight of the figure's face but all I manage see of is a grey sling before I am whipped around by an excitable Hermione desperate to tell me about her date to the ball Viktor Krum. By the time she has finally finished ranting away about Ron being jealous I only get a chance to mention my mystery man briefly.

Most of the lesson passes and I seem to forget my little accident from the corridor, that is until Hermione perks up and says "Hey Phi, you know that boy you said you ran into just".

"Yes...?"

"That wouldn't happen to be that blond boy there, with the sling looking over here now?"

Hermione's words make my chest tighten, how many blond boys in slings could there be in one school but what did she mean by looking? Trying my hardest to conceal my excitement at the idea of maybe finally seeing his face, I slowly turn around under the pretence I was looking for something in my bag. My hands become clammy as I fake search through my practically empty bag, why was I so anxious just to look at him? It wasn't that big of a deal - right? 

**_ *play song now* _ **

Carelessly I jolt upwards, sending my parchment papers to spill out of my bag and land on the floor by a desk a few rows back. However, as I swiftly go to reach for my papers I'm met by another hand that comes to rest on mine intricately covered in silver rings with nails perfectly cut down and shaped and veins ever so slightly standing out of his skin. I swallowed my breath, slightly wincing as I know what is about to come. 

Finally, I look up fully to see exactly who i thought it'd be: just my luck the boy from the corridor who I now realise to be the one and only Draco Malfoy. I'd never payed him much notice before this afternoon, to me he was just an arrogant teenage boy with a pureblood family superiority complex - not the sort of person I would normally sought out to be known by, not that he'd want to get to know me seeing as there was a chance I might not be the perfect pureblood he desires for his intimate cult like circle of friends. That was the problem with being adopted you see, I'll never know where I fit in in the wizarding world; am I pureblood, half blood or dare I say the option that would make most of my house instantly repulsed by my existence - muggle-born?

I expect to see him glaring at me again but when I gaze into eyes I'm met with a hint of affection throwing me off balance even more so when his eyes do not linger from mine, 

I attempt to form words in my mind but nothing seems to come together all I can do is idly study his face and wait for him to make the first move.

"Someone's obviously feeling quite clumsy today" he eventually whispers, now removing his hand from on top of mine to collect my papers together "I hope you're not planning on making a habit out of throwing your papers at me" he snickers while delicately placing my belongings into my hands.

"I'm so-" I start to murmur back hoping to end this encounter as swiftly as possible before being interrupted.

"Is there a problem Miss Knight?" I look around me to see the whole class staring at me and my papers now, Professor Moody's words drawing attention to my current situation.

"Just helping Seraphina get back to where she belongs Professor" Draco answers for me as I look back at him but am no longer met with affection but glazed over eyes filled with almost annoyance.

Stuffing my papers back into my bag, I return back to face Hermione desperately trying to conceal my kissed pink cheeks as I pray for this to be my last altercation with Draco for today. 

"How bad was that?" I question Hermione.

"I'm guessing that's him then, your mystery man, I'm sure he's loving all this attention from you today"

"Yes! Of course that's him, now answer my question" I demand, wanting to know how much damage control this was going to need. But before she answers Hermione takes her eyes off me and her work and casts them to behind my shoulder.

"Why don't you decide that one for yourself?" she responds nodding her head in the direction of Draco's desk. Slowly I turn myself around to face him once again and am met with an unusual grin across his face, almost looking out of place on someone who always looks so aggressive. 

"Well that was weird.." I whip back around to face Hermione who is also smiling at me.

"Personally I think that boys a foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach but even I will admit that was cute, you smiled back right Phi? " suddenly I realise I was so taken aback by his smile that the thought of actually smiling back had slipped my mind. "Don't look so scared, he's still looking you know ,hasn't really stopped all lesson now that I think about it... what are you waiting for smile back Phi!".

For what feels like the tenth time this lesson I peer back at him , Hermione was right he didn't seem to have moved at all ; his eyes were still set on me as he was slouched across his desk. Fuck it Seraphina just smile back, You're only being nice it doesn't mean anything-does it? No...?

Despite my inner discourse I decide to bite the bullet and smile back, shyly at first before raising my eyebrows into a full smile. Immediately, I am mimicked, the same eyebrow raise being displayed on his face. Anyone else would feel intimidated being the recipient of this look from Draco Malfoy so tell me why it makes my stomach flip and tighten as I smile to myself, heart fluttering.

** Draco's POV **

As she turns away from me I glance down at her robes - Slytherin, perfect, but how had I never noticed her before she came crashing into me half an hour ago? 

Her straight hair cascades to well below her shoulders, her face framed by two strands of grey hair , reminding me of my own mother's hair, I think about all the other colours she could have dyed it and why on earth she would choose the blandest colour of them all for something so permanent on her body. I've always been told my silver eyes are piercing to look at and until she focussed on me with her forrest green eyes flecked with gold I never understood how one could become so encapsulated by another's eyes. 

All of a sudden I am jabbed in the elbow by Crabbe bringing me back down from whatever mystical high she'd put me on. Attempting to focus back on my work, my eyes fall on a crumpled piece of parchment paper and my heart sinks, realising it's today's letter off father requesting (or should I say demanding to be more truthful) that I invite Pansy Parkinson to the Yule Ball tomorrow night. God damn I could not stand that whiny bitch, but I couldn't stand the punishment I know father would hand out to me if i didn't comply with his demands. 

Before i start my note to Pansy (an invite via note is all i think i can manage, speaking to her face to face about this would be torture) I gaze back at Seraphina who is totally engrossed in her work ; I've noticed that about her, she becomes completely involved in whatever she does giving you her undivided attention, eyes focussed only on you- even if it was in the middle of Defence Against The Dark Arts class!

I decide keep my note short and sweet: a simple 'Go to the yule ball with me?- Draco' should suffice but as i'm about to send it off I change my mind folding the ripped pieces of parchment paper until I've showcased my hidden talent (making origami birds), might as well have some fun while i'm doing this. Once the bird is crisply folded I take it even further charming it to fly over to Pansy. 

I can't help but become distracted as i hear Seraphina giggle to my right, throwing her head back as she does, her smile is so infectious, almost compelling me to smile along with her even though she wouldn't see me doing so. 

I look up at the bird hovering now in mid air but not above who was supposed to be the recipient, instead it was above my new fascination , Seraphina, slowly floating down to land in her lap. I watch intently as she goes to open it up but then quickly I snap my head away as she eventually looks inside to see my handwritten note, knowing there was no way out of this. Did I even want there to be a way out of this?

Suddenly the lesson is called to an end and I rapidly stuff all of my books into my bag hoping to reach Seraphina before she leaves. However, any hope of talking to her was quickly diminished as she pushed her way out of the classroom into the impossible maze that were Hogwarts corridors at the end of the day. I shouldn't care, I'd never even spoke more than ten words to the girl and I could easily tell her the truth and I'd be back where I was needed taking Pansy to the Ball.

So why did my heart drop as soon as I saw her dissolve away into the crowds?


	2. 2. Moon River

**_Chapter Two- Moon River_ **

**<https://youtu.be/mXiFHDfvn4A> **

** Seraphina's POV: **

I've been staring blankly at my dorm ceiling for hours now, struck dumb by my own actions after last lesson with Draco. By the time Professor dismissed us I had forgotten the note I had gripped so tightly in my hand until I saw him moving through the rush, heading towards my desk. Overwhelmed with nerves, my body chose flight over fight for me as I pushed my way out of the classroom without giving Draco a second glance. 

I reached my dorm, instantly regretting my actions, melting face first into my bed and letting out a single high pitched scream into my pillow. I've never been bothered by dating or boys before, as far as I was aware Hogwarts was a breeding ground for arrogant teenage boys who think they can win over any girl they want by Accio-ing some flowers or smiling at them during a Quidditch match.

The announcement of the Yule Ball was my proof of this as I found great joy in watching every boy I know crumble at the thought of trying to find ways to finally speak to their crush with suddenly every boy being far too scared to dare to walk anywhere near a group of girls.

Now it was less than 48 hours till the Ball and here I was alone and dateless because I screwed up my one chance with (in my opinion) the best looking boy in my house. I would say in the school but I joked once about Fred taking up that position but he took it rather seriously refusing to hear any different since.

Finally I sit up and move my head to check the clock on the wall but my eyes are far too blurred with tears to see so I guess it is about half one. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realise I am still in my uniform so I quickly slip into my usual pyjamas (oversized t-shirt and shorts) treading ever so lightly so as not to wake up Pansy who I notice , now that I have come back to reality completely, is snoring rather loudly . With the sheer amount of noise coming from Pansy I know there's no chance I'll sleep tonight so I shuffle into my slippers and grab my torch, deciding I might as well walk about in the common room.

***

***start song now***

As soon as I close the door of the slytherin dorms I see him sat there on the windowsill , half of his face lit up by the moonlight making his piercingly silver eyes more prominent as he seems to look straight into my soul. He clenched his jaw displaying his sharp jawline and cheekbones naturally highlighted by the moons light. His hair has fallen out of its usual sleek slicked back style and instead it flops on either side of his face in a middle part perfectly framing his face with strands falling in front of his dark eyebrows. 

How on earth does he manage to make messy look this hot ?

Fuelled by my own previous embarrassment I head right for him catching his eye, taking him immediately by surprise.

"Stalking me now are you Draco Malfoy ?" I say playfully narrowing my eyes at him, he's stood up right next to me now half of his face still flawlessly illuminated by the night sky as if he were one of the paintings hung up down the corridor beside us.

Looking me up and down a smirk forms on his face "And why would I be doing that Seraphina Knight?" emphasising my full name.

Still feeling bold I reach into my pocket and display the still perfectly intact origami bird "Just something a little birdie told me". 

We're practically touching now, no space between us as I look up to him and he looks down to me. "Oh I see" he replies, delicately taking the bird from my hand " And what did this little birdie tell you?". The way he uses my exact words makes me heart stop for a moment before it flutters.

"Oh nothing really only that you want to go on a date with me?" I reveal the contents of the note, ever so slightly biting my lip afterwards.

"And do you? To the yule ball tomorrow night?" his eyes are resting intensely on mine now making his questions even more direct but also revealing slightly how tense he is right now. I wonder how he would react if I were to reject him right now? 

My heart uncontrollably beats now skipping beats and fluttering all out of rhythm as I go to answer so sure of what to say "ye-"

Before I have the chance to finish one word of my answer I am jolted away from how encapsulated I am in our conversation by a figure looming in the corner of my eye. Instinctively I grab ahold of Draco, dropping my torch as one hand reaches for his back and the other drapes across his chest.

When I realise it is Snape that has busted our late night rendezvous I quickly remove my hands from around Draco nervous moving them to around myself suddenly aware of how cold it was. "And what do we think we're doing out of your dorms at this hour of the night Malfoy and ...." he takes a moment to see who I am and is taken aback when he says "and Knight?".

I look to my side to Draco unsure of what to do in this unfamiliar setting, I had never been caught out like this before which I assume is quite the opposite for Draco. Goosebumps run all over my body as unexpectedly a hand wraps around my waist pulling me in close to his hip, I look to me side to see Draco's familiar hand (still decorated in silver rings, veins prominently bulging on the back). An odd sensation of warmth puts me at ease before I attempt to speak but am abruptly stopped by the a deep, hoarse voice.

"This isn't what it looks like professor, I heard noises from the common room so I came down and found Seraphina looking for a notebook she lost so I joined her and here it is" he produces a hardcover tan notebook from behind him that I hadn't seen before and certainly wasn't mine.

"Well then you two, I advise you go back to sleep before you wake up anyone else... or give someone the wrong idea". Snape whips his robe around and walks out of the common room leaving me and Draco alone again, his hand still wrapped around my waist- my mind focuses on the feeling on my waist and questions how someone who looks so cold could feel so warm to touch?

"So..." he says, turning me around to face him with his hands, moving both of them up now to my lower back.

Suddenly I'm filled with the same anxiety as this afternoon and I move back away from him leaving his hands empty. " I ... I should go, it's late, lessons tomorrow, you've got quidditch too" I stammer rapidly hoping to leave no room for a reply, before I turn away from him completely.I run up the stairs hoping he won't follow after me and slip back into my dorm before flopping again back onto my bed. 

Closing my eyes I think back to only a few moments ago: visions of warm hands that seemed to fit perfectly to the shape of my waist, securing me to him, and his perfectly sculpted face looking down at me intently chase round my mind. 

I really don't know how I'll recover from running away from him for the second time...


	3. 3.  How Did It End Up Like This?

**_Chapter Three - How Did It End Up Like This?_ **

**<https://youtu.be/kL3enVPDuF0> **

** Seraphina's POV: **

I wake up startled, feeling like a cloud was looming over my brain, casting down a heavy fog over my thoughts. Last night is almost wiped from my memory until I cast my eyes to the end of my bed and see a single delicate origami bird which at first I assume is the one from yesterday afternoon but as I unravel the intricate folds I discover a new message: 'We should talk.See You later - Malfoy'.

The coldness of his note contrasted with his effort with the bird left me feeling uneasy. The only conclusion I could come to was that he wanted to revoke his invite for tonight after my disastrous attempts to flirt with him , my heart sinking at the thought of seeing him with another girl tonight and holding her close the way he briefly held me just a few hours back. Goosebumps forming along the area on my waist he clung to, I look over my new note one more time. 

Fucks sake this boy was going to be so bad for me...

***

Running late seemed to have become a habit of mine over the past 24 hours, this mornings surprise note setting me back on my usually structured morning routine. As I race through the courtyard, I push through groups of girls all seeming to be gossiping about the same subject: who is taking who to the Ball tonight. I wonder how they would react to finding out my date was notorious bad boy Draco Malfoy; I imagine the looks tonight as I walk in with his arm wrapped around my waist again gripping me tighter this time, making it known I was his. My daydreams are cut short as I am yanked by an unknown hand behind a nearby bush.

"Sorry to pull you like that Phi you were just so in your own world you didn't hear me calling" I look away from the hand that pulled me and am met by a soft face with caring yet grey eyes : Cedric. 

"Oh I'm so sorry I just like being in my own headspace I guess" trying to divert away from any questions as to where that headspace was exactly.

"Right...."he responds, confusion clearly marked all over his face

"So you pulled me into a bush for what exactly may I ask?" I question hoping again to change the subject matter.

"Oh yeah sorry about that again" he looks down, concealing his face but I can still make out his blushing cheeks "I was just wondering if you'd like to join me tonight, to the Ball I mean, together, as my date?"

I feel my face fall, a day ago I would've lept with joy at the thought of Cedric asking me out but so much has happened since then. Or has it? For all I know Draco could be just about to break everything off with me, leaving me dateless again having turned down one of the most handsome boys in my year, surely ruining any chances of us being together in the future, an idea which first year me would've found horrifying considering the year long crush on him I had back then.

"A Hufflepuff and a Slytherin? Might cause quite a stir don't you think?"I try and distract from his question with a joke.

"What can I say, opposites attract"He rebuttals. 

"Are you saying you're attracted to me Cedric?"

"Why don't you say yes and find out?" He pushes a stray hair behind my ear.

"I would love to Cedric" I begin moving his hand away but realising my choice of starter words were not the best when I see his eyes begin to gleam and a cheeky grin forming on his face "But I can't, I already have a date"

"Who is it?" 

"Huh"

***play song now- think about it from Draco's perspective!***

"Who asked you first cause last I heard from Fred you were planning on going alone?" he interrogates me but as I go to reply with some vague response his eyes quickly shift to elsewhere. I turn around following his eyeline and discover the last person I want to see in this situation right now. Draco, paler than usual, eyes bulging staring straight at our spot behind the bush.

"It's him isn't it" I don't reply, hoping this is all but some weird dream and I'll wake up in my bed again to realise everything with Draco and Cedric was all a dream "Really Phi, of all people, you're choosing him, I thought you might respect yourself better than to go with a boy like him, personally I think he'll leave you hanging tonight and won't even show up".

Cedric's words seem to almost mirror exactly the thoughts that had been sprinting through my mind since yesterday afternoon and yet they still cut me deep almost making me let out my pent up tears in a sob. But then, something switches inside of me that makes me much more angry than anything else.

"You know what Cedric I do have respect for myself hence why I said to Draco and not you who's asking me hours before the Ball because I'm all you have left to choose from and _**personally** _I know my worth much more than to go out with a boy just because they're my only option. So thank you for being _**so** _concerned for my wellbeing but next time express your concern not just because you need to look good tonight with a girl on your arm." I speak my mind fully, leaving no room for Cedric to try and defend himself as I whip myself around and head in Draco's. I had never defended myself this much before let alone defended someone else this much that I begun speaking to less than a day ago.

I begin to walk over to him anyway in hopes I can salvage whatever chance I have of him still taking me to the Ball tonight but just as I'm a few steps away he abruptly turns his back on me wiping his eyes, walking away as he does so.

I go to turn back in the direction of the pathway out of the castle, knowing that if I stay around any longer I will for sure be late to herbology,however, as my mind considers leaving Draco to walk away I feel a bottomless pit in my stomach. 

The Yule Ball is only going to happen to me once, might as well make the most of it.

I attempt to chase after Draco but he's far too fast for me to catch up to him before he disappears into the boys toilets. Looking up at the slammed closed door, I gulp and take a deep breath not knowing what I was about to walk into before turning the handle of the heavy oak door. He wasn't hard to spot as he was standing directly in front of the central sink allowing me to catch a glimpse of his distraught face in the mirror above him, making eye contact as I do so knowing there's no going back for me now.

"Draco that wasn't what it look-"

"You think I care about fucking Diggory?" he cuts in, refusing to turn to meet my eyes." You think I'm that pathetic? I only met you yesterday, humble yourself, I don't care about who you talk to or who you take to the ball tonight. Stop acting like we're dating or something!"

"I just thought.."

"Well you obviously thought wrong didn't you , just leave me here alone please"

"Why?" 

"Why what?" He turns around to me now.

"Why would I leave you?, you've got lesson too and if you're completely fine and unaffected by anything then there's no reason for you to mope around in here on your own is there?" His mind and body seem to completely shut down with my words, obviously I had called his bluff. " But..." I continue "if you're not fine. I rejected Cedric ......so uhmmm tell that little birdie if he's still interested I'd love to go to the Yule Ball with him tonight". I proceed to turn to walk out, not expecting as much as a grunt from him in response.

"I'll have a word but I'm pretty sure the little birdie would love that too" I whip around just in time to witness a slight smile finally crack on his face.

"I guess I'll see you later then" This time I do walk out, collecting myself so I look somewhat presentable crashing into my Herbology lesson half an hour late.

I have no idea what has overcome me this morning becoming so assertive so suddenly over both Cedric and Draco but for some reason where I would usually cringe to myself thinking back on conversations, this time I'm full of pride for standing my ground and then securing my date to the Ball just moments later.I had never felt this exhilarated in my life. 

I just hoped Cedric's predictions for tonight wouldn't run true.


	4. 4. Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

Chapter Four - Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

<https://youtu.be/GPUg7n8-M6o>

** Seraphina's POV **

I hadn't told anyone apart from Cedric who I was going with tonight, as far as Fred and George know I'm attending on my own and will spend the evening on the sidelines "drowning my sorrows and loneliness in butterbeer" to use their words. You'd think after four years of friendship they'd value my love life higher than that. 

"I don't understand how you're going to be alone tonight" teased Fred, I laugh along trying my best to hide my true plans for the night.Suddenly he continues but sounding much more disgruntled " It's not like you couldn't get a date, we all know you're the best looking girl in your year "I look up at him expecting to see his grin joined with more sarcastic comments about my grey hair but when I do I'm met with quite the opposite, his face dead straight staring into my eyes

George taps Fred's shoulder, shaking his head mouthing "not now Fred", I quickly look away again pretending to focus on my studies knowing I've just seen something I shouldn't have. But, what did I just see? Fred's never complimented me sincerely before, his words were normally full of sarcasm and laughter however when he looked down at me just it was as if he'd never been so serious about anything in his life. 

In an attempt to return back to our normal joking manner I say "Well, if you're so interested in my dating life then you'll be interested to know that I actually was asked out tonight.... twice!" They sharply jolt their heads up to look at me, the same face full of shock you'd expect if I'd just claimed their hair wasn't naturally ginger "Don't look so shocked guys, like Fred said I'm not exactly repulsive to look at" I snap back, rolling my eyes at them.

"not repulsive is an extreme understatement I'd say" I hear Fred whisper under his breath but continue to look away to avoid anymore awkwardness yet a smile still beams across my face uncontrollably.

"Rumour has it Phi here turned down Mr cleancut Cedric Diggory" chimes in Ron from a few seats down and instantly I feel guilty for my choice in date again, images of Cedric almost deflating in front of me when he forced out of me who I was going with instead. Had I made the right choice? Surely there's no harm in this it's just a dance right? I was probably a last resort for Draco, practically every girl in Slytherin drools over him especially Pansy. I'm surprised her and Draco aren't already arranged to be married at some grand pure-blood cult wedding , I'm sure that'd fuel their families' superiority complexes enough. 

"Hey Phi? Hello?" I'm suddenly snapped back to reality and see Ron waving to get my attention "Jheeze potions homework that interesting?" I nod hoping to brush off any suspicions the Weasley trio might have about where my thoughts just wondered. " As I was saying I think it's time you go back to your own table over there Phi , Malfoy's started giving us the look". His head nods indicating to the other side of the room, my eyes follow landing on my secret date for tonight.When our eyes connect he quickly shuffles out of his tense stance and continues on with his work.

I quickly gather my books and say my goodbyes but before I go George yells over to me "Phi! It's not that hard to ask someone to the dance you know, just throw them a note in class or something". A quite giggle escapes my lips as I think back to how my situation with Draco started yesterday morning ; if only they knew...

I hurry over to sit directly opposite Draco, hopefully hiding him out of view from my other friends so I can finally talk to him without their prying eyes.

"Someone's looking a bit flustered" I tease "You wouldn't happen to be jealous of the twins now would you?" I squint at him now, obviously calling his bluff as he's quick to argue back.

"Jealous? Of them? Don't make me laugh Seraphina. What's there to be jealous of hand me down robes and ginger hair, I think I'll pass" he scoffs, his pretences taking over him. I move my hand and place it on top of his causing him to look right up at me.

"Now that was a low blow even for you Draco" a tone of disgust echoing through my words "And please call me Phi".He takes a moment to gather himself, obviously I've provoked him now which probably wasn't a great start if I still want a date for tonight. Then again drowning my sorrows in butterbeer didn't sound too awful after all. 

"Well if you want me to be honest Sera-... Phi I walked past when I heard your little friend Fred's comment, I'm too impressed I take it he doesn't know who's taking you tonight?" he reveals, instantly making my cheeks blush.

"No I- no one knows. I wasn't sure if you wanted anyone to know b-"

"why wouldn't I want anyone to know?" he sharply buts in leaning in to talk to me "or maybe... you're the one that's trying to hide this" he queries " Cause I'll tell all your little gryffindor friends right now" he pauses for a few moments to look around the hall "scrap that I'll tell everyone and I'll tell them right now?"

I only have a chance to let out a slight "Draco?!" before he's standing on top of his chair for everyone to see. I brace myself for what's about to happen, head shaking in my hand.

"Malfoy!" I hear Snape boom from the front of the hall "Is this a new studying method you're practising, standing up instead of sitting".

"No Professor I'm just... uhm" he looks back down at me, all of his confidence from before seems to have drained away as he realises how ridiculous he looks in this moment "I'm just stretching... legs were erm tired yeah legs were tired". He immediately shoots back down to his seat in front of me as I burst out laughing.

"So much for not being ashamed to tell anyone huh"I chuckle, finding great amusement in his usual confidence being shaken. He doesn't say a word but begins to pack away all of his books and quills, leaving me embarrassed now. Had I gone too far? I fiddle with the edges of my cardigan as he finishes packing up, hoping he'll say something to clear the tension swarming around us.

"Meet me in our common room. Half six. Be ready. I'll have something to give to you"he finally instructed.

"Oh ok-" is all I can make out as my mind is suddenly fixated on one thing: "I'll have something to give to you".

** Fred's POV **

**_*play song now*_ **

I knew I should've asked her, even under the alias of lonely friends just being left with each other to go with, lying about that was much easier than seeing Diggory's failed attempts to win her over and it was for sure less painful than watching her eyes as she looked over at Malfoy. I didn't mean for my thoughts to slip out, I just couldn't help it as I imagined her alone all night because no one saw her the way I did, no one looked into her gold speckled green eyes and saw them light up during conversations or admired her freckles that speckled her cheeks that almost always seemed to be blushing nor did anyone love her bubbly personality the way I did, the fact she has managed to cope with mine and George's profuse teasing for nearly four years now was beyond even my belief. 

I can't say all this to her though, tell her how much she means to me because to her I'm simply a friend to joke around with every now and again, she wouldn't even bother to tell me that her and Malfoy were obviously going together or that Diggory had made his moves on her. I wasn't important enough to her, I was just there for a laugh when she's bored. 

It's not her fault though, I realised (or rather George made me realise) two years ago that I was in love with her, he was never successful in making me realise I actually needed to tell her though.The thought of her liking someone else or dating someone else never crossed my mind because it never seemed to cross hers. Everyone else around us always seemed so wrapped up in meaningless school romances that would be over in two months time if they were really lucky but she was never bothered, always too engrossed in whatever book me and George had helped her steal from the restricted section. Honestly of all the things she could ask us to do she decides on the petty rule breaking of stealing books. 

It's not that no one's interested in her, of course not, she's just too much of a dumbass to realise so when boys check her out I have no choice but to sit back and watch as pieces of my hurt crumble.

So here I am hours away from one of the biggest nights of the school year: dateless and suffering from unreciprocated love. I think back to my brothers words to Phi before she left for Malfoy "It's not that hard to ask someone to the dance you know, just throw them a note in class or something". It's my only option. 

I rip apart a piece of my parchment paper as I survey the hall in an attempt to find any girls who I think would possibly consider me an option and my eyes land on Angelina Johnson. After screwing up the paper, I throw it in her direction, luckily from all my Quidditch practice it lands perfectly in her lap and she looks up to meet my eyes. I quickly mouth the words " Do you want to go to the ball with me?" while trying my best to mimic my best dance moves. 

I wait for a few moments as i watch her consider my offer, hoping she says yes so I don't look like even more of a fool in front of Phi. And at last she comes to my rescue and says yes relief washing over me.

Maybe she'll be able to distract me from wanting to push Malfoy out of the way tonight as he gets to dance with the girl I love but to be honest I don't have much hope.

I think I'll be the one drowning my loneliness in butterbeer tonight...


	5. 5. She Lives In Daydreams With Me

**_ Chapter Five- She Lives In Daydreams With Me _ **

<https://youtu.be/HzC02GvPXzw>

**Draco's POV:**

Everytime I heard the harsh click-clack of heels down the stairs leading to the common room, my neck would snap up instantly hoping everytime it would be her green eyes I would connect with. 

It was only 6:15 now but I'm not so sure I can wait much longer, seeing all these happy couples together would make me happy you'd think as I would be in the same position in 15 minutes time and yet all it does is remind me of what I can never truly have. My act of rebellion tonight by ignoring my Father's order to take Pansy is in fact all this night can be: a one off sneak peek of what freedom feels like before I'm packaged together with Pansy for the rest of my life as per my Father's wishes. All I want is to make my own choices, find my own way but that will never be the case with Father still around who has my whole life planned out for me, constantly bombarding me with the next way I'm going to live my life. And, from what I've overheard over last summer back home, his control over my life is only going to become greater...

I'm sat on one of the sofas now leg pulsing up and down in hopes it'll shake off the odd sensation of nerves that seems to be rushing through my veins with every heartbeat and spreading through my lungs with every breath. In my right hand I clutch her gift desperately protecting it despite there being no immediate danger, I was just sitting in the common room after all. Why was I making such a big deal out of this? She probably doesn't care, I'll be lucky if she actually shows up to meet me after the way I acted towards her in study hall this afternoon. I just had to leave, I couldn't let her see me like that when I felt it looming in my chest. The pain that started in the centre of my chest and rapidly spread, tightening my lungs as it did was no stranger to me. The shortness of breath, the blurred eyes and overwhelming thoughts occur almost daily, often taking place behind the closed doors of whatever bathroom or broom cupboard was nearby. 

Today ,however, I was through two attacks already (potentially three if she doesn't arrive soon) the first one being this morning when I saw Cedric lay his hands on her face, right where I've been wanting to lay mine.

I'd been watching them since he yanked her away , clearly disturbing her from her train of thought from the look on her face, which is what initially pissed me off, actually making my stomach turn and sending my thoughts spiralling. 

6:20 now, she definitely wasn't going to show up.

It had been ten minutes since anyone at all had come down the stairs, even Crabbe and Goyle were long gone (without dates of course, I'm not convinced anyone at this school would reach that point of desperation). Maybe I should've just obeyed my Father, everything would've be so much easier then. Boring and maybe even borderline mind numbing, but easy.

***play song now***

My mind is so busy with all of my overflowing thoughts and yet I am so on edge that I jolt back up from the sofa when I somehow pick up the sound of the common room door turning. As the door opens, I catch glimpses of sparkly green material combined with the familiar sound of heels clicking when she at last fully enters the room.

I start at the bottom of her dress slowly scanning my way up taking in every last detail; her dress almost perfectly matches her eyes, right down to the specks of gold I admire so much inspiring the gold embellished flowers stitched into her dress.

My eyes reach her neckline now where a single delicate necklace in the shape of a pair of wings rests on her chest, I let out a small smirk as I think how perfectly my gift will accompany her outfit.

"Amused are we Draco?" she asks, raising her eyebrows at me.

I shake my head but the smile never leaves my face as I walk over to her, taking ahold of her hands to place her gift into them.

"Well open it then dumbass it's not there for you to gawk at all night" I joke, hiding my excitement.

"Jheeze someone's feeling eager tonight aren't we?"

"I can take it back if you don't want it"

"Alright! I'll open it if it means you're gonna stop freaking out". Relief that she is finally going to open her surprise is swiftly overwhelmed by the last part of her sentence -surely she hadn't caught onto my attacks already. I wasn't freaking out was I? However, there was no chance to linger on these questions as I watch her slowly unravel the paper, shooting my eyes up to see hers ,continually wanting to see her reaction. 

Underneath the crisp tissue paper lay a golden hair pin shaped just like the little birdie of mine she loves to refer to me as. 

"Draco I don't think I can take this from you" her fingers delicately tracing the outline of the little birdie.

"Well that's a shame because I'm not giving you a choice" I say, taking the pin out of her hand before I walk around her flowing dress to reach her hair. "Would you like it on the side or at the back?" I speak into her neck, letting out another smirk as goosebumps prickle down her side as I do so. Sensitive neck - I'll remember that.

"Back please" she shudders.

Softly I bring back two strands of her hair lightly curled at the bottom to the back securing them within the pin. 

"How do I look?"

I spin back around to admire her again from the front , carefully bringing her hair from behind her ears after I do letting it cascade down her shoulders and then taking my hands down her arms slowly to hold hers.

"Angelic"

Her eyes shift to the clock dismissing my attempt at a compliment as she says "What a surprise you're making me late _again_. I do appreciate the gift but I'd appreciate it more if we made it to the Ball in time for the first dance"

Before I have a chance to express my disgust for dancing she cheekily smiles and grabs ahold of my hand ,whisking me away out of the common room and down the staircase towards the Ball, laughing (at me I assume) the whole way down. 

Normally, I would've resisted but I allow myself to be pulled along , telling myself I'm only making the exception tonight with it being my last night of freedom afterall. But deep inside all I keep on thinking is:

Fucks sake this girl was going to be so bad for me...


	6. 6. fallingforyou

**_ Chapter Six - fallingforyou _ **

**_ <https://youtu.be/cKhbfG55hus> _ **

**Seraphina's POV:**

Flustered as we arrive at the Ball, I comb my hands through my hair, grasping at the back to make sure I hadn't lost my precious new pin. The hall was swamped with couples already but I was desperate to get Draco to dance with me at least once tonight, might as well start trying now...

"Well come on then" I say, gesturing towards the dance floor.

"What?" replies Draco, appearing to be genuinely confused.

"Draco Malfoy you haven't brought me to a Ball only to not dance with me have you?" I raise my eyebrows at him, teasing as I know exactly how to trigger a reaction from him. "I'm sure if you don't want to I could find Diggory around her somewhere, hmmm or maybe Fred might be-"

"Fine" he interrupts "Seraphina Knight you get one dance, so pick your song wisely" 

"Let's go now then"

"Now?"

"Yeah you ready?" 

There was something about making Draco so tense with his jaw clenched and his ringed fingers becoming fidgety that made me even more intrigued by him. He nods ever so slightly and I know this is all I will manage to get out of him for now but still I grab his hand just like in the common room and pull him along onto the dance floor. 

As we take our place on the floor amongst the other couples, I go to explain to him what to do but I am shut down by him clasping my hand into his and swiftly moving his other onto my lower back.

"I thought you didn't know how to dance" I remarked, taken aback at how this position seemed so natural to him.

"I never said that now did I angel?" he responded, smiling down at me.

"N-". Before I can finish, he begins to move me away, spinning me around, forcing me let out a slight giggle in excitement.

As we dance it feels like I'm no longer on the ground but am floating softly in the air - just him and me- his fingers flawlessly intertwined with mine. 

He takes my breath away as he moves both his hands to my upper back lifting me up high above everybody else, still slowly spinning me around. If I was floating before then now I must soaring, like a true angel.

He brings me back down to meet him on the ground, my breath completely caught up in the moment which he notices pulling me away from the crowd to sit at an empty table. 

"You need to rest angel and so do my arms after all that lifting, I'll go get you a drink" I smile down to the ground, shaking my head in total disbelief that any of that just happened. The way he made me feel when we danced felt almost forbidden, like I had just discovered a new magical drug that made my whole body fizz over with excitement. Being so close to him meant with every breath I was taking in his fresh green apple scent. We must have been dancing for longer than one song because when I look around it seems most of the crowd has disappeared. 

"So you are here with that tosser then? Great choice Phi. Let me guess, he's left you alone just like I thought he would" someone sneered, I gape up to see Diggory, obliterating my trance like state almost as quickly as Draco had sent me into it. I laugh to myself at his completely untrue words, realising how ridiculous he sounds right now.

I go to bite back at Cedric but all my words seem to fade when I feel the same strong arms -that only five minutes ago were lifting me up on the dance floor- steadying me from behind.

"hey angel" he whispers into my ear but when I expect him to move away from me, he wraps his arms around my back , securing me tight as I rest back into his arms. Life around us seemed to move in slow motion as he bought his lips onto mine, my heart pounding as my knees grew weaker. All I could focus on was how soft he felt against me and how addictive he tasted, leaving me wanting more as he finally pulled us both up.

"Yes Diggory she is here with me" he asserts , holding me by the hand and pulling me away onto the dance floor just like I did to him at the start of the night.

** Draco's POV: **

***start playing song now***

Seeing him with her again sent visions of this morning shooting through my mind, bringing along with it the prickling jealousy. He always got so close to her, surely allowing him to take in her unique scent of fresh tea leaves mixed with crisp parchment paper - anyone would think she belonged in Ravenclaw not Slytherin, that is until she startles you with her feisty nature and determination. I see it in her eyes all the time; behind the glimmering green there's the golden fire waiting to be set free.

I'd kissed girls before, well one girl , Pansy, back in third year when I believed we surely must be soul mates due to our sacred twenty-eight status, but that was pathetic compared to the kiss me and Phi just shared. There was something about the intensity of having our first kiss in front of Diggory that gave me such satisfaction. It was as if she were quicksand, I just wanted to keep on sinking into her forever, losing all feeling of gravity. Her hands were so soft and gentle as she brushed against my skin almost making me shiver with how ticklish I was. But after all that my mind can't focus on our kiss for long before my thoughts revert back to my Father - rather odd after a first kiss I know but I can't help but constantly remind myself that this isn't allowed to last further than tonight when I leave her.

As I begin to dance with her again, she still looks troubled. "You know I could've handled that on my own right?"

"Yeah, I know" I chuckle "But if I didn't step in then you wouldn't have just had your first kiss"

"That was not my first kiss" she exclaims, cheeks becoming a deeper red from their usual rosy colour as she pauses for a moment "okay so maybe it was my first kiss, but you lied too!"

"Did I now?"

"You told me I was only allowed one dance"

"But I never said anything about how many dances I was allowed , did I ?". 

She laughs , biting her bottom lip as she brings her hands to rest around my neck ; both of us swaying to the rhythm of the music.

I didn't want the Ball to end, I didn't want to have to say goodbye and I really didn't want for it to be over with Phi. 

I've known her briefly for less than two days but that's not enough. I want this everyday with her but what I want isn't exactly what my Father thinks I need nor are my wants going to come into fruition for me. Maybe if we just don't stop dancing, not even when the candles are blown out, if we just stay here enveloped in each other, the night will never end.

I wasn't expecting this to happen. I was only looking for a last night of fun, a few hours where I feel like a normal teenager before I'm back to being told how to act , speak and think everyday.

She's the first to break away from me "It's getting a bit late don't you think, my feet are really sore I'm not used to spending so much time in heels". 

"It's alright" it really wasn't, why did she want this to end already "come sit over here". 

I lead her over to a seat and reach down to her feet to carefully slip off her shoes before swinging them over my shoulder.

"Let's get you to bed then before you fall asleep on me" I suggest " cause I know I enjoyed lifting you earlier but I'm not sure I could carry you all the way into your dorm. I'm also not sure the girls would appreciate me in their room"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, I don't think Pansy would be too mad".

Knowing she meant that as a joke I want to laugh but realising the truth in her words cuts me deep. Maybe the bird pin might've taken tonight too far, I already know that seeing her wear it after tonight will be bittersweet: always having a piece of me with her wherever she goes but also that pin being all she'll ever be able to have of me.

"Thank you for tonight Draco ... it meant alot ... plus you were a lot better at dancing than I was expecting"

"Shut it dumbass you knew I was gonna be good you just don't want to admit I'm better than you"

"You know what I do want to admit?"

"Tell me."

"I want to kiss you again"

I plea with myself, begging my mind to let me kiss her one last time but I cannot. Kissing her again will send me plummeting into the quicksand with no way out, something which just won't align with what my future holds.

"Bad idea" I spurt out "Someone might catch us"

"Well that didn't stop you before"

"Goodnight ang-... Seraphina, see you around".

I look her up and down one more time, wanting the picture of her in this dress to never be forgotten in my mind, and turn around to walk away.

My one night of freedom had ended.


	7. 7. That Midnight Laugh

** _chapter 7 - That Midnight Laugh_ **

<https://youtu.be/oTuwzR5V3ro>

**a/n: just came here to say that i love fred sm and writing him like this makes me so sad especially cause this sort of situation is so personal to me :/ this was originally gonna be a filler chapter but i just got too into it and now it's one of my longest ssfjsdfjkd**

**Fred's POV:**

Despite my previous worries, I actually had a good time tonight - well as good as a night you can have while watching the girl you love fall in love with someone who you know will never love her as you do. 

I wanted to be a good date for Angelina but every time I turned my head from her to see them dancing so passionately on the dancefloor, his hands touching Phi's delicate skin, was like another dart being thrusted at the dartboard that was my heart, the bullseye being struck as I witness their kiss and bloody hell what a kiss it was- so public and yet so intimate, leaving my eyes feeling like intruders. But in those tiny fragments of time where I forgot my pain, the night was somewhat good.

Angelina left early, complaining of sore feet but obviously that was nowhere near the real reason as I only danced with her once while Phi was sat out so I knew there was no chance of bumping into her. The rest of the night was spent attempting to deflect off my bad mood and onto creating as many jokes about Ron's appalling robes as possible.

"Be careful with that drink Ronald, wouldn't want you spilling it on that lovely frock Great Aunt Tessie's let you borrow" I smirk but am not met with the same reaction from Ron who has been moping and scowling for what must've been an hour now "Must say I didn't think dirty maroon was your colour but I think you might've just pulled it off, what did Padma think ay?"

"Oh she loved it Fred, loved it so much she left me for some bloody Beauxbatons boy" Ron sneered back at me.

"Someone's obviously feeling feisty tonight, guess it must be hard to see the love of your life dancing with someone else" Tears begin to brim my eyes, I wipe them clean trying to act as normal as possible because for once, I was the one being too sensitive to handle my jokes. 

"Hermione is not the love of my life!"

"Aha! I was talking about Krum, you know the one you were gushing over for the whole of the world cup? But I've got you now, wonder what 'mione would think if I told her" I comeback while also wondering myself what I would do if someone exposed me to Phi.

"Piss off Fred, it's not like you haven't been doing the same thing as me all night" Startled by his words, all I can do is stare back dumbfoundedly at my brother "We all know, you do realise that right. Well not all of us she's still oblivious" he says nodding at Phi, who is now back on the dancefloor with Malfoy. I can't help but let my mind explore the idea of me being in his place, holding her carefully as I lift her up , letting her glide in the air above me, admiring her as I do so that I can take in every last drop of her beauty.

"I'll tell her , I will. I just-"

"You _**just**_ need to do something or anything Fred cause trust me ... it doesn't get much bloody better if you don't" Ron cuts in as he resumes his sulking.

"I... I know"

***start song now***

Deciding I've had enough of the night, I gather my robe and go to head out but am stopped as I see them together again, as if they're taunting me everywhere I turn, reminding me of my biggest regret. You know how parents always have that one big story they tell their kids to teach them a lesson? I can already tell this will be mine- but then again will the thought of this story be as hard to tell as it is to live it...

I walk behind them carefully(but still with plenty of room between us so I didn't across as a total stalker) with a slightest glimmer of hope Draco would leave her alone soon so I could get just a moment alone with Phi. Surely he wouldn't walk her all the way back to her room? But as we walk up staircase after staircase the glimmer seems to diminish as we reach the entrance to the Slytherin common room, which in my opinion was rather dingy-looking for a house that prides itself so much on appearances. Resulting to hiding behind a stone statue, reluctantly I listen in as even though I wanted to speak to her desperately, I respected her privacy but also really couldn't stand to hear what Malfoy might be saying to her.

"Thank you for tonight Draco ... it meant alot ... plus you were a lot better at dancing than I was expecting" she says, innocently giggling - god I have missed her laugh tonight.

"Shut it dumbass you knew I was gonna be good you just don't want to admit I'm better than you" 

"You know what I do want to admit?"My heart seems to pause for a few moments before it jolts forward, while my head feels compressed from the overwhelming thoughts on what she might say next.

"Tell me." Don't tell him Phi.

"I want to kiss you again" No, please not again. 

It had never been so clear to me that I really was too late this time, there was nothing I could do to win her back she wanted him.

"Bad idea someone might catch us" Too bad, someone already has...

"Well that didn't stop you before"

"Goodnight ang-... Seraphina, see you around".

It takes everything out of me to not follow Malfoy into the Slytherin Dungeons, sit him down and lecture him for hours on every reason he should walk back out there and kiss Phi until he can see no other option. But instead, here I stand, clutching to the statue , stomach no longer a pit but a black hole sucking everything out of me, as I watch my love crumble to the floor. It is nowhere near my place to say anything right now nor do I have an explanation as to why I'm here on the opposite side of the school to where I sleep but at the same time, I have lived with far to many regrets with her for far too long. Might as well save myself from one less regret for now.

I clear my throat, knowing that if I were to speak straight away my voice would be full of pure emotion and feeling and my feelings are not something to be shared right now.

"Oh dear, Malfoy's dancing that bad it's tear jerking? Did he step on your toes by any chance?" I joke which is normally so natural for me but after what I just witnessed it feels so abnormal and out of place.

"Freddie?" she croaked, voice breaking as she looked up to me with her big green eyes now tear glazed, which (although it threw another dart at my heart) almost made her eyes glisten.

"You got it.... but I have a feeling I wasn't so spot on about you, what's wrong Phi?" I say, continuing on my oblivious act.

"Draco, he..."

"Is a total wanker for leaving you out here on your own?" I cut in , her eyebrows scrunching " I may have accidentally overheard the last bit of your conversation". If you count following you all the way up here then hiding to hear your conversation as accidental ,that is.

"But why Freddie, I don't know what I did wrong" she sniffles, mascara splodged all over he cheeks. I bring myself down now to her level, sitting next to her against the wall, our bodies touching.

"Come here" I wrap my arm around her as she brings her head to my shoulder, nuzzling into my neck ever so slightly "You didn't do anything wrong, he's just a natural born dickhead he can't help it... his family's so inbred he's probably got a genetic malfunction". 

She playfully swats my arm , giggling as she says "Fred! you can't say stuff like that what if someone hears". We stay in the moment for a while, me just holding her as she rests on me, occasionally stroking her arm.

"You know I had my first kiss with him tonight..." she admits almost laughing out of embarrassment, unaware that I already knew.

"Aside from everything else that happened after" I pry, half joking half desperate to know but overall still trying to act like nothing more than a best friend "is Draco Malfoy a good kisser?"

"I'm not so sure, I guess I don't have much comparison really" I go to change the subject but she continues unexpectedly "But what I do know for sure is that I could do with a do-over first kiss, I could just wipe this one from my memory and replace it with a much better one."

"I'm sure that could be arranged" I slip out, not realising the suggestiveness of my words, but she doesn't say anything else, obviously still just as oblivious as ever.

After a while of me just consoling her in my arms, she says "it's so late, you've got Quidditch in the morning haven't you and I've kept you up with my petty boy drama I'm so sorry I should get off to bed" seeming very flustered at the thought of causing an inconvenience to me - little does she know I would sit here all night with her if she wanted me to.

"No need to apologise Phi, and remember I have some pretty spectacular scented Dungbombs if you ever fancy chucking one in a certain someone's room for a bit of revenge"

"You'll always be my first call , don't worry". I turn my back and walk away from her in an attempt to conceal my giant grin from her last words removing all the darts in my heart. 

"Hey Freddie!" I hear, just before I turn the corner. Glancing back, I see Phi bounding towards me. 

"Hey Phi ?!"

"Thank you" she whispers, moving onto her tiptoes to plant a delicate kiss on my cheek "I love you"

"I love you too"

Just not in the same way ...


	8. Chapter 8

**_ Chapter 8 - Do You Have To Let It Linger? _ **

<https://youtu.be/2PhOfJhJKZk>

My weekend was spent hopelessly searching for a release. A release from what was not clear to me, my whole body in a constant state of compression (specifically in my chest) while my gut felt like it was being rejected by my own body due to the constant state of sickness I couldn't seem to be rid of. 

I didn't have a right to feel like this really, did I ? What did I expect : for him to fall in love with me after a couple of dances and one , probably awful on my part, kiss? But that's not what I expected at all in reality, I just wanted something - anything - from him , even the slightest indication that somewhere in him , even deep inside his subconscious, he could possibly feel some sort of emotion towards me. However, when I explored his eyes I was met with nothing, not disgust or anger nor disbelief that I would even question his feelings towards me, which obviously I can tell now are non-existent. I had the answer as to whether my feelings were reciprocated so why were his empty eyes etched so clearly in my mind constantly following me wherever I go ?

The answer to this definitely wasn't in all the sweets Fred had decided to gift me out of his secret stash.

"I'm surprised you have any teeth left with all the sweets you must eat, your dentist will be thanking me" I chuckle as he gives me the latest collection of Dragon Claws, Sherbet Lemons and Apple Rings before D.A.D.A class on Monday morning.

"I don't eat them all myself you know" he scoffs " I like to give them out to specially selected people sometimes"

"Ooo does that mean I'm now a member of your secret sweet society" 

"You may or may not be the only member" he jokes but behind this an undertone of seriousness pokes through just like in study hall the other afternoon.

"Oh am I now? You sure you're not just scared I'm going to leap off the astronomy tower cause I can't handle a an itty bit of rejection from Malfoy"

"Well I wasn't no but now I certainly am! You sure do know how to scare me Phi, first I find you sobbing on the floor, now you're already planning your death, I never know what to expect from you next"

I pause, thinking back to the night of the ball "You never did say what you were doing on my side of the castle that night"

He peers over my shoulder into my busy classroom "No time to explain now, let me know how it goes with he-who-shall-not-be-named junior"

"Freddie?! Are you trying to get me in trouble"

"Probably!" he calls, running down the corridor away from me as he was surely late for his own lesson now.

Standing in the doorway, I inhale deeply, resetting my posture and begin to walk in, going out of my way specifically to swiftly move past Draco's desk and planning on not giving my eyes even a moment to linger on him. But of course, I can't help but shoot a quick glance out of the corner of my eyes in the direction of his desk, only for my emotionless act towards him to break instantly when I don't see him there. I whip around quickly, scouring the room rapidly to find him.

My breath halts, my posture loosens and I tighten my jaw, clenching harder around the books in my hands - he's with her.

***start song now***

Pansy Parkinson.

She's clutching onto his arm, cackling wildly at seemingly everything he uttered. The pain I had felt Friday night almost seemed so insignificant and childish compared to the stinging in my chest now, as if all my healed wounds had been ripped back open and exposed again, forcing me to feel the pain of past and present. My eyes lock onto hers, while a single tear rolls down my hot cheek which I brush off almost as quickly as it arrived, a smug like smirk emerging on her face, making it clear to me that what happens next is a personal attack.

"Hey Draco" she interjected on his and Blaise's conversation rather sharply, making them both flinch at the sound of her whiny voice "Are the rumours true then?"

"What rumours Pansy?"he grunts.

"Oh just that you only took poor Seraphina to the Ball because you accidentally gave her a note meant for me "she says, tracing her fingers up and down his arms, touching almost every area I had thought were precious only to me.

I watch his eyes as he goes to respond, seeing again that same empty, lonely look from only a few nights ago, shooting shivers down my spine as the image of him walking away relapses in my mind over and over again in a cruel cycle. 

"...Y-yeah" he says quietly at first his voice almost breaking before pausing to straighten out his robes and continuing "Yeah of course . Did you think I'd willing take someone like her as my date? Come on you know me better than that Pansy, I asked her out on accident and she got all over excited and acted like we were dating already. It was so pathetic.....Why are you looking at me like that Blaise?".

I had become aware the other night while doing homework that his name meant dragon in latin ; I should've taken this as my warning because after all if you try and play with a dragon you're going to get burnt in the process.

"Think you may have said that a bit too loud "The trio turn in my direction, immediately forcing me back into the reality of the situation after being so consumed in their conversation. All their eyes are on me but there's only one I care about and he's the last to look around, slowly bringing his eyes up to meet mine and then his head following. 

Regret seemed to fill his face, leaving me in disbelief such cruel brutal things could escape from the same person's lips only seconds ago.

"Oopsies, sorry Phi" says Pansy, clear to even Blaise that she was being insincere by the eyes he shoots at her afterwards.

At first, I only feel one thing and that is the overwhelming inclination to run out of this door, out of hogwarts and never see any of them ever again but I switch away from this as soon as I realise that's exactly what she'd want and I think she's gotten enough of what she wants today for my liking. 

"You alright guys?" I ask , kindly, acting as if I hadn't overheard every little detail of their conversation as it played out.

"Y-yeah... you?" Blaise replies, uneasy.

"Never been better actually, just thought I heard someone saying my name but I must just be imagining things" I beam at them, marvelling in the fact I could make them so uncomfortable so easily.

I take my seat next to Hermione but I still focus my attention on the back of the classroom where they're huddled.

"I think I'm going to go back to my desk over there actually" Draco announces suddenly.

"Why? Don't you want to sit next to me Draco?"

"It's just for one lesson . It's fine."

"Well hurry back I'll miss you". Ugh, I don't actually know if my brain can cope with this conversation before it disintegrates from the sheer sound of Pansy's exasperating whining.

I listen closely to his footsteps as they grow closer to me, but keep myself firmly turned away from him, despite being so tempted to see him again

A cluster of parchment crashes onto my desk suddenly, instantly taking me by surprise while also feeling so familiar to this same lesson a few days ago. I cast my eyes slowly to the right , working my way up the body next to me but lingering ever so slightly longer on the familiar green piping of the jumper.

"Ugh, thanks Seraphina, tuck your chair in next time" he scolds, before crouching down to my level to collect his papers "Sorry" he whispers now, looking around to make sure no one could hear him "I tripped, it wasn't your fault.... I'll go now".

At first, I was convinced just blanking him was the best solution but hearing him switch his emotions so fast just to apologise in private, starts a fire burning in my mind.

"Hmm this seems familiar." I start, ensuring I'm speaking loud enough for his little gang to hear at the back of the room, crushing the act he'd tried so hard to put on. "Oh yes I remember now, this is the part where I ask you out, kiss you, lead you on , then leave you cause that seems to be how this sort of thing plays out with you. Sound about right?". I shoot up to stand higher than him"I think I'll be the one going now". Briskly, I stride out of the room leaving him still crouched on the floor.

I don't know where I'm going but I do know that I can't stop walking until the fire inside of me has been completely put out.

"Seraphina!" he calls after me, running just a few steps behind me.

"It's Phi! Get my name right first"

"You know what Pansy's right you're so god damn dramatic about everything" I whip around to face him now almost causing him to crash into me with the suddenness of my movement. 

"I hope you and Pansy are happy Draco, honestly" I say, genuinely "But next time don't drag someone like me into it for your own enjoyment. I don't know why you asked me whether you were making her jealous or if I was just a replacement and at this point I really don't care I just want you to stop bringing me into it".

I wanted today to be a fresh start, to completely move on from friday night and go back to a time where me and Draco had never even shared a look with each other. 

But of course, in true Draco style, he used me again for his dramatics, boosting his ego and letting my unwanted feelings linger far longer than I needed them too.


	9. Chapter 9

**_ Chapter Nine - Driving Home For Christmas _ **

<https://youtu.be/EvDxSW8mzvU>

**a/n: okay so this is a ever so slightly shorter one as I was planning on doing one whole christmas chapter but again I went off too much meaning I've had to split it in the most appropriate places so it'll be in two or three parts instead coming at around the same time!!**

The last day of term before the Christmas holidays came around by the end of that week, Fred and George bombarding my constantly begging for me to come back to The Burrow with them over the holidays.

"Look Phi we can accept some degree of moping" starts George. They'd both decided that today they were going to bombard me in study hall while I was miserably attempting to finish this terms work before the holidays began.

"But we just can't have you moping by yourself at Christmas " Fred continues as if I was going to just wallow in my dorm for two weeks straight during the happiest time of the year.

"School finishes tomorrow guys, it's too late , I'll need to pack and your mom-"I mumble, shuffling through pieces of parchment in front of me, not completely paying attention to everything they were saying so I spewed out the usual excuses. The truth was that any other year I would've agreed almost instantly but after everything that happened, I felt like I just wanted to be away from everyone, even if that did mean locking myself away in the girls dorms for a fortnight.

"So you're telling us you don't want to see Ron's reaction when we spike his dinner with U-No-Poos?" Fred interrupts, catching my attention at the thought of an overly constipated Ron, causing me to let out a slight chuckle.

"Or when our own mother who literally gave birth to us 16 years ago, still gives us the wrong presents?" 

"Can't forget embarrassing Ginny by questioning her love life, that one always goes down a treat"

"You guys are awful you know that right, it's a wonder your mother hasn't kicked you out" I distract from their obvious attempts to win me over , even though now I do feel slightly guilty now that I realise they've dedicated an entire week trying to convince me to come.

"I'm still not hearing a no from you though....so I take it we'll see you later on tonight, pack for cold weather the house gets awfully cold this time of year" George advises, almost as if he can see me beginning to crack.

"Be ready for six" They call out, Fred winking playfully at me before they run away , leaving me no choice but to accept their offer. 

***

I fumble down the stairs from the dorm to the common room, dragging my overflowing case bursting with every jumper, sweater, scarf and wooly socks I could find. Finally, I reach the bottom, my breath attempting to catch up to the rest of my body as I look around the room, hoping to find any random first year I could convince to help me out slightly. But instead I am met with the silver eyes I have been dreading to see all week, the silver eyes that have caused me to avoid all public spaces - in particular this very common room, so of course this would be the first place I would find him.He's sat lazily across one of the sofa's, apple in one hand while the other is draped across the back of the sofa, amosting commanding it as his own personal space. I ignore his glances at first, continuing on my struggle as I haul my luggage across the room almost making it to the door before he attempts to talk to me.

"Dropping out of school already, Seraphina?" he probes

"No."I reply, promptly and sharply.

"O-oh. Leaving for the holidays I assume then"

"Yup" I keep the same cold tone towards him.

"Really? Do you do that normally, I thought you stayed here like me? You never mentioned your family I assumed..." he trails off before picking himself back up with "Where are you staying?"

"Yes really. No I don't normally. You never asked so I never said andddd ... the Weasley's. Is this interrogation over now, can you let me leave?".

He doesn't reply at first so I take it he's been fuelled with enough information about my whereabouts so I turn back to face the door, somehow managing to turn the door handle and open it slightly before I hear steps behind me and a hand rises next to me to slam it shut it again.

"Why are you doing that?" he continues on his questioning.

"Doing **_what_** Draco"I snap back, quite angrily now, knowing I really can't be late for the twins.

"Staying with them when you usually don't bother?"

"Because they asked and I'm not having such a great time here at the moment. What else do you want to know, what's on the menu for Christmas day?"

"No... not particularly no"

"Good... see you around Draco" I turn the handle again and manage to open it fully this time (without interruption)but as I walk through the door I feel a wave of guilt rush through me from my very apparent sternness towards him. 

"Merry Christmas Draco ... I hope you have a good break, even if you are stuck here without me".

***

Luckily, I do make it to meet the boys just on time but the luck doesn't seem to last as we are packed into Mr Weasley's light blue Ford Anglia with me being sandwiched in between Fred and George in the back seats for the whole journey to The Burrow. The only thing that kept me going through their constant tormenting was their just as consistent sweet supply, helping myself to my personal favourite : Flying Whizzbees.

Mrs Weasley greets us all with the same warmth even me as she brings me into a tight squeeze as soon as she sets eyes on me, her scent of freshly baked bread was calming especially as this was my first time meeting their parents. 

"Now, seeing as this Christmas is an even tighter squeeze than normal I'm afraid Phi dear you'll have to sleep down here, if that's alright with you." she speaks softly.

"Of course Mrs Weasley I'm just thankful to be here" I smile.

"Please dear, call me Molly , Mrs Weasley is far too formal for my liking" and she smiles back at me, reassuring me that I wasn't being the hinderance I felt like so prominently "It really is amazing to finally meet you, the boys have told me so much about you in their letters, when they actually remember their poor old mother that is"

"Mom!" they both shout, I look over to them both now blushing slightly.

"Come on what's there to be embarrassed about telling your mother how great a friend you have?"

"Yeah she's a great _friend_ isn't she Fred" George murmurs but still loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Yeah ... **_friend_** " replies Fred even quieter than George, leaving not just myself but the whole room baffled.

"Honestly I have no idea how you put up with these two for all this time Phi, you must be a strong woman" jokes Molly as she checks the clock "Oh gosh look at the time, you'll be up again in a few hours to open your presents, get off to bed the lot of you because I will not have you all being grumpy teenagers on Christmas day".

As everyone retreats upstairs, I set myself up in front of the fireplace on the patchwork sofa, wrapped up in a tartan blanket as the snow falls gently outside, all the tension from the past two weeks fading away with the coldness in my body.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Chapter Ten - I Just Want You For My Own_ **

<https://youtu.be/Jg-tzpj7fYQ>

**a/n: I know there's not alot of Draco content the last few chapters but please trust the process and wait till they get back to school ! also sorry it's a lengthy one there was a lot to get through and I didn't want to rush it !!!**

Startled awake by what sounds like all the floors in the house caving in, I jerk up out of my curled up position on the sofa to see everyone running down the stairs and filing into the the living room.

"Come on Phi, you're slacking" teases George as I rub at my sleepy eyes.

"I'm awake is that not good enough for you people" I moan, voice rattly.

"George can you not leave the poor girl alone for one day of the year"

"I guess it is Christmas so I might dial it down a bit"

"I wouldn't take his word for that if I were you" chimes in Ginny "One christmas he promised to be nice to me and I really believed him until he gave me a normal looking lollipop which turned out to be an acid pops that burnt through my tongue!"

Everyone gathers around the tree which is highly stocked with presents wrapped in brown paper packaging. In turn the Weasley's dive in , tearing apart presents as I just watch , finding my own peace watching the reactions on their faces as they open each one.

"Phi dear, do you not want to open your presents?" Molly shifted her attention from her children to me, clutching a warm cup of tea in my hands.

"My presents?" I repeated.

"You didn't think we'd let you stay here just to leave you presentless on Christmas did you Phi?" George gestures towards a much smaller, untouched pile of presents under the tree. I move away from my spot on the sofa and go to collect my pile but am stopped as a hand reaches over to me.

"Let me give you mine first" interjects Fred, a look on his face I couldn't quite put my finger on it whether it was of excitement or anxiety filled. He places in my hands a small, boxy parcel which I immediately shake out of old habits from when I was little.

"Careful he spent a lot of time on that last night, he-" George starts but is cut off by Fred sharply elbowing him in the ribs.

I take my time carefully peeling away the wrapping paper, to reveal what looked like two standard boxes of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans.

"I don't understand how- what took you so long?" I furrow my brows in Fred's direction.

"Well they contain specially chosen flavours just to your liking" explains Fred.

"What he means by that is he sorted through all the boxes he bought at Hogsmeade and gave you all the nice flavours cause he's boring like that" interrupts Fred, adding his own thoughts on my gift into the mix.

"Actually, I didn't put all the nice ones in there- just the ones I know she'll like that's all, didn't think you deserved to taste ear wax or vomit after everything that's happened recently"

"boring"coughs George.

Despite what everyone else might think, this present would mean more to me than anything else that I received today because it had almost immediately debunked all my current fears, proving to me that someone does genuinely care about me. But not just caring about me for their own use like with Draco, using me where he pleases, turning on his fake charm like he did the night of the Ball and also yesterday evening. With Freddie, I never had to question his sincerity. Now that I think about it, I never had to question anything when I was around him, he had a way of putting me at ease just purely with his humour, he made everything so easy, so carefree that it was almost impossible to feel any weight or pressure when I was around him, everything was just so easy in these moments. 

Right now was one of those moments, our surroundings seeming to fade as our eyes connect but there was a hint of something else in his eyes that I still couldn't quite figure out. I've known him so well for so long and yet it is now that I've begun to be confused by him, starting with the comments back in study hall two weeks ago , continuing onto the night of the ball when he told me he loved me too with ease but spoke in a way that felt like he had so much more to say, and now coming right up to last night with his 'friends' comment that felt so out of place and forced into the conversation.

'Friend' he had said.

But friend didn't feel like enough. Friend didn't have enough substance attached to it. Friend wasn't as personal as we were. Friend didn't describe the person that when you look at them, it feels like you're looking right into a mirror because they understand you right away without need for explanation.

'Friend' didn't seem to fit me and Freddie, so what did?

"Are you gonna open the rest of your presents then , 'ay Phi?" George asks, leaving my question unanswered as my mind drifts away onto all that Christmas day brings.My personal highlight of the day was being lucky enough to become the owner of a hand-knitted Molly Weasley special Christmas jumper. It was a perfect forrest green and silver colour which she said was intentionally Slytherin inspired so I could wear it all the time at school which unlike everyone else, I think I actually might do.

Christmas dinner was unlike anything I've ever tasted before, even managing to beat the food supplied at Hogwarts which when I joined in first year after living off orphanage food for 11 years, seemed like it could never be topped. As day turned to night, slowly everyone began to retreat to their rooms starting with Ron who had owls to send to Harry and Hermione back at school, then Ginny who had indeed become far too annoyed by family's questioning of her love life and finally Molly and Arthur who claimed they were far too exhausted after the past two days to stay awake anytime past 10, leaving me and the twins alone downstairs.

"You know what, after you made me stay up last night to help you with Phi's present I don't think I can stay up much longer either" yawned George.

"And you're the one that called Fred boring but you can't even handle staying up till half ten, pathetic really?!" I shake my head at him.

"It's not my fault it's his!" he exclaimed "He'll only stay up now for ages to try and impress you and convince you he's the better twin, isn't that right Freddie"

"No comment" he chuckles back as George stays true to his word and also goes up to. bed.

"Now that he's gone I've got a bone to pick with you" a cheeky glimmer is clear in his eyes as he says this.

"Oh really what have I done now?" I giggle.

"All that perfect, untouched snow out there and not once have you suggested a snowball fight. I'm ashamed honestly"

"The nights not over yet maybe I was still gonna ask you"I raise my eyebrows at him.

"And were you?"

"Meet me outside in five be prepared!" I leap off the sofa and race up the stairs, him not following far behind me. I bolt into Ginny's room, briefly apologising but not really making much sense as I grab my coat, scarf, hat and gloves before running back down the stairs where Fred is already stood waiting.

"Well come on then what are you waiting for let's get outside" I yell, grabbing ahold of his hand and tugging him out the front door into the deep pit of snow surrounding the house.

***start song now***

We separate our hands as I instantly crouch down to collect a cluster of snow, realising this would be my first snowball fight as christmas at my orphanage was much more of a celebration that was dreaded by my fellow orphans rather than the cheerful time I'd been lucky enough to experience at Hogwarts. I rise up but am almost knocked back down again as my face is met with a spiky ice sensation - Fred had not held back, aiming straight for my face first throw, covering my the end of my eyelashes in tiny flecks of snow.

"You are so dead Frederick Weasley"I squeal, launching my snowball back at him which also crashed into his face. After wiping his face clean we continued to go back and forth hurling snowball after snowball at each other. While he is collecting his next throw, I silently creep up behind him and leap onto his back as I smash another icy ball into his face, giggling as I do.

"Now that was uncalled for" he laughs as I climb down from him "But be careful cause I have another weapon"

"And what would what that be"

"The fact I know all your ticklish spots!"He dives forwards, scooping me up into his arms and slinging me over his shoulder fireman style. He's so tall that my fear of heights is ignited, sending my stomach into loops and turns as I'm carried across the field surrounding the house.

"Noooo please no not the tickles ahh" I plead, squirming as I desperately try and escape his grasp.

He places me down gently but still holds me with one hand as the other reaches to the side of my stomach to begin the tickling. This is so much worse than the first blast to my face earlier, my skin so sensitive to his touch, meaning despite my many layers I still shiver. I attack back going to the spots where I know he is also ticklish, sending us both now into fits of chuckles. I quickly grab another clump of snow, lobbing it at him so I can run backwards away from him. "Tag, you're it!" I yell.

He chases after me, getting closer so reaches out to me and begins to say "No you're -"but I stumble on a mound of snow behind me, making me lose my balance. I fall back, crashing into the snow which acts as a protective pillow, softening my fall as Fred tumbles on top as he attempts to catch me. The moon is bright tonight, illuminating the area around us and leaving a slight glisten in Fred's eyes as I look up at him, speckled snow still strewn over his face almost freckle like.

"Oops, falling for me are you Freddie?" I chuckle softly, aware I'm less than an inch away from his face, slightly biting my lip afterwards.

"You have no idea" He moves his face closer to mine but lingers slightly, almost as if something was holding him back so I search his eyes attempting to find what that something was but yet again I can't read him. 

He suddenly swallows his breath and surges his head forward, connecting us at the lips. As I parted my lips, allowing a wave of warmth to wash over me, silencing all my thoughts and seeming to answer all my previously open questions.

'Friend' he had said.

But this didn't seem very friend-like to me. A 'friend' doesn't kiss you like this. A 'friend' is simply that but nothing about this was simple. Yes all my past questions had been answered, but this had sent a continuous stream of new ones running through my mind after I lips separated. 

He holds my back, allowing me to stand back up. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry.... fuck" he stammered,scraping his hands through his hair as we walk back towards the house.

"N-no, don't apologise""I just want to know one thing "

"you can ask me anything"

"how long ?"

"... two years" He fiddles around in the cupboards to find two mugs, placing tea bags in them after turning on the kettle.

For what feels like the first time since I'd known Fred, I was completely speechless, baffled by my own cluelessness but also by the fact I had absolutely no idea what happened next. This was only my second ever kiss, meaning I was completely helpless right now. We both seem to accept the silence until he passes me my mug.

"It was cold out there and I know tea is your favourite". I wrap my icy cold fingers around the mug, filling me with the same warmth as when we kissed

"What do we do now?" I burst out.

"I hadn't really thought about that actually, this probably wasn't one of my best ideas" He leaves his mug by the kettle, and walks over to stand next to me, leaning on the work surface "But would it be a better idea if I said I wanted to kiss you again?", his eyes glance to the side to meet me. 

"I think so" I say before I move across to stand in front of him and stand on my tip toes, reaching up to cup his face and leaning in to meet his lips again. Simultaneously we both go to hold each others backs, securing each other in a warm embrace but also causing us both to smile at each other as we continue, our lips crashing together seamlessly as I move my hands to his hair.

"Wow, must say I thought it'd take longer for anything to happen between you too, pretty sure I owe Ron some money". I'm startled away from our kiss, by a familiar voice, biting my lip and creasing as I realise we've been caught. I slowly spin around to see George on the other side of the kitchen, in his hand was Fred's mug, which he takes a sip out of before winking at the two of us, Fred's arms now wrapped around mine "Decent cup of tea too"

"Thanks?" Fred awkwardly smiles back at his brother.

"So you two have finally made it official then?" inquired George, continuing to drink the tea.

I peer up at Fred, slightly biting my lip before a big beam appears across my face.

"Yeah, I think we might've"I respond, still smiling as I turn back to George and Fred holds me tighter.

It seemed like the right idea but something within me couldn't help but wonder how Draco might react to this, bearing in mind his face in study hall after he overheard Fred but also his reaction to Cedric in the courtyard. 

He had Pansy though now and I had Fred, right? 

'Friend' didn't seem to describe us.

But does Boyfriend and Girlfriend actually fit us any better?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven- Acting Like You're Somebody Else

<https://youtu.be/vEu1rLTZkk4>

**Seraphina's POV:**

***start song now- imagine it is almost seraphina talking to herself with these lyrics***

Going back to school after Christmas was a rather weird sensation I had never experienced before, I was so used to hiding amongst the crowd, being able to slip away for hours to do what I please without it being cause for concern, allocating myself secret spots that only I knew, allowing myself to spend my time there in peaceful isolation. 

I loved that about myself, the fact I could spend hours alone without feeling lonely which always seemed so odd to everybody else, that I could be alone but not lonely. The way I see it there's a difference between loneliness and being alone. Alone can be comforting and exciting, enabling me to have complete freedom over myself. Loneliness is silent torture. I hope I'm never left lonely. 

So, here I am: the least alone I've ever been and yet only now can I feel loneliness begin to seep in, growing on me like a nasty rash, starting small ,however, if left unattended it continues to grow. But that's what I do at first (let it grow and fester), ignoring it in hopes it would cure itself and that it was "just nerves" as this was my first boyfriend after all and the process of us ending up together wasn't exactly the smoothest. 

Walking through the corridors was the hardest part, hearing my name being flung around in whispers and in streams of gossip that followed me everywhere I went, leaving a pathway of lies and mistold stories of my own life that I so desperately wanted to snap around and correct. 

On top of that I was suddenly subject to "Hey Girlie!" comments in the middle of lessons which were closely followed by different variations of the same question, bringing up the same two things : I went to the Ball with Draco but now I'm dating Fred. Everytime they add a "what happened?" at the end, I ask myself the same thing, hoping this time I'll have an answer but all I see is blurred images of paper birds, moonlight meetings, snowball fights and kitchen kisses. The whole winter period, appearing to have left me with some form of amnesia, only knowing what happens in the present and that is that I am Fred's girlfriend.

With a new title like that I had expected change... but not in the way it has expressed itself within me currently but more so with mine and Fred's relationship. However, one month in and this was yet to occur, us spending slightly more time together being the only change I could distinguish apart from my popularity in corridor conversations. 

Everything between me and Fred is still great though, mind. He liked to do this thing where he'd practice his apparition skills by suddenly appearing behind me, surrounding me in his arms before planting a soft kiss on my temple. I was so used to him doing it now that sometimes, just sometimes, I could catch him in the act, turning around to surprise him before he could give me another heart attack. Honestly, sometimes it was like we were the same person just in different bodies, perfectly aligned with each other as if I was supposed to be his twin not George - no offence to George though, I'm sure he's a great twin too.

With exam season looming but also the final of the Triwizard tournament, joined with whatever was going on with me at the minute, life at Hogwarts had never been so stressful, the immense pressure of everything constantly weighing down on my body, seeming to push down on me harder and harder everyday. 

My only release was during Divination which was by far my favourite lesson - mainly due to the rather kooky Professor Trelawney who I often end up have long conversations with after lessons as I seem to understand her a lot more than the other students who think she's absolutely batshit crazy. It's also why I always smell so strongly of tea leaves as we like to read each other's tea leaves every couple of weeks during our catch up sessions which also happened to be occurring this afternoon. I was desperate to see her after a rather tense few weeks despite it being the holidays and see if maybe she of all people could figure out what was going on with me. 

"Seraphina, my dear!"she leaps up out of her chair to great me "It's nearly been a month since our last catch up, I don't quite know how I coped without seeing my favourite student for so long but of course you had that Ball I've heard so much about"

"Me neither Professor"I reassure her sitting down opposite her at her desk "I nearly sent an owl to you while I was staying with the Weasley's but yes the ball was quite..... quite eventful lets say"

"Oh I see, let's get right to it then, have you started revising for your Divination end of year exam yet?"

"You know I have Professor, I started as soon as we got back" I smile at her, realising now how much I have missed these conversations.

I quickly chug back my tea, despite it being freshly poured so slightly burned my mouth as I did so , making it quite clear how much I wanted clarity on my current situation. Without looking down at the remaining tea leaves, I pass my teacup over, slightly shaking at what Professor Trelawney's evaluation might be.

She takes a while to analyse my cup, longer than usual, staring intently at it while also turning it to see it from different angles- at one point she even removed her thick, circular glasses which I couldn't seem to figure out the reason behind. 

At last she says "You must have been right about the past month being eventful for you, Seraphina" I swallow my breath, palms becoming slightly sweaty and my heart begins to bang out an unnatural rhythm, having no clue what was to come out of her mouth next "Normally, we see just one or two shapes in the leaves but in yours there's almost a sequence of events mapped out" she angles the teacup so that I can see it now five symbols placed around my cup, leaving me even more uncertain for their meanings.

"As you can see first we have the acorn meaning unexpected gold as I like to say but then so close to it almost touching it is the badger.... heartbreak" the last word surges a shiver down my spine, sending my hairs spiking as my body suddenly feels cold but my mind hot with its constant whirring "But not intentional heartbreak, the cause of your pain lacks empathy, they themselves struggling". Here come the shivers again as my mind deflects from my initial confusion, unsure how this fits in with me and Fred but then I remember.

I remember him. 

Draco. 

The night of the ball. 

I'd been so overwhelmed these past few weeks that the pain had almost been pushed away to the deep crevices of my brain...until now. 

"Then comes the hourglass, you have important decisions to be made" suddenly I don't feel so welcome in the usually cosy and secluded Divination classroom as I shuffle in my seat hoping to shake this feeling. 

But what was this feeling? I almost feel guilty in a way, unable to shift of one word - "struggling". Draco didn't seem to be one that struggled, he lived a life of complete privilege in every aspect... or so I thought. I can't focus on this for too long before I am fixated on the hourglass, which seemed to already be counting down to whatever big decision was laid out for me in the future, taunting me with what I'm yet to understand.

"The last two symbols are where I am lost, however dear, first you have the cross symbolising trials and immense suffering and yet after you have a sun symbol which ends the sequence on a symbol of great happiness". 

Great so I'm going to suffer immensely and have important decisions but I'll be happy at the end. Maybe everyone else was right and Divination was a complete phony of a lesson because how can that even be? Suffering and happiness aren't two words you put after each other after all. But then again, until today I never would've placed Draco and suffering together and yet there they were sitting in a teacup, predicting my future.

I was hoping this conversation would clear the fog over my brain but all it seems to have done is make the fog so much more thicker, clouding my perceptions of my own life even more than before. But despite my clouded mind, I still have a question - just one- that I've been meaning to ask since the first week back.

"Oh, I see Professor, I'm sure It'll all make sense to me in the near future but I have a question and I don't quite know who else to ask" I rush away from the topic of the teacups hoping to clear the fog along with images of badgers and hourglasses swimming through my mind.

"O-of course my dear you can ask me anything as always"

"Back in the muggle world, we have this word - soulmates- when two people are meant to end up together and will always find each other no matter what but I ... I was wondering is there a word for someone ,who you have that deep connection with, but when a relationship with them it still doesn't seem completely... right?There's nothing wrong exactly - not at all- it just doesn't work completely" I spit out what has been plaguing my mind. Back where I live in the muggle world (normally during the Summer holidays) at the orphanage, the other girls were obsessed with the word soulmate, hoping they'd find "the one" - whatever that means- so I'd always just assumed that's all there was when it came to love. You were either soulmates or not, nothing more or nothing less.

"Now, I am no expert on this Seraphina.... but, I am aware of something which might help you, it is a muggle term I believe - a Twin Flame" she start but I already seem to know where she will end "Someone who you have that deep connection with, almost the other half of your soul, it's not a romantic relationship but it is unconditional nonetheless."

I realise now. I knew before but now I fully understand it. Even if soulmates and twin flames are about as realistic as Professor Trelawney's 'prophecies', it won't change what I've now understood. 

The only problem being that I don't like what I've understood nor do I want to act on it just yet.

I love him far too much to do that.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve - She's Getting On My Nerves

<https://youtu.be/Ct5OjLPc5G0>

***three months later***

Revising in the hall for hours everyday after class had become a common occurrence for me, end of year exams were looming once again, and this evening was no different except I was rushing even more so today, hoping to catch a glimpse of Fred training before dinner. I had absolutely no interest in Quidditch but I just want him to know I'm there, just for him not anyone else - he was incredibly self conscious of the fact that George always seemed to hit slightly more bludgers than him, though I'd say he was much better at slyly elbowing his opponents, leaving them dangling off their broom temporarily. I hate to say it but I hoped one day Draco might become one of Fred's victims, just once to satisfy me and my revenge seeking tendencies. 

Regardless, I showed my support as much as I could, even if it did mean sneakily wearing his quidditch jersey when my fellow Slytherin's weren't looking, knowing being caught would mean being rejected from my house even further. It was no surprise to me that after mine and Fred's relationship status was leaked to the whole school, I was seen as a complete disappointment to my house because ,of course, all Slytherins and Gryffindors must surely be enemies, bound together in mutual disgust until the end of time. 

It was tiring.

However, the one person I expected to receive the most public humiliation off, hadn't even looked in my vicinity since the end of term last month, leaving me quite unsettled after I'd mentally prepared myself to be constantly heckled. Despite all this, I was still wearing my bird pin, removing it just never settled well within me. It was as if removing this would remove all that I accomplished for myself that night, remove all my new found confidence but more importantly: remove the memory of him...

I was nearly finished my Herbology essay on wandwoods when I felt a new presence behind me and immediately I know what's about to happen. As I feel them move closer behind me I laugh to myself before taking the opportunity to perhaps get my own back on Fred just this once.

"I wasn't joking you know I will hex the ginger out of you if you do this one more time!" I burst out , refusing to look back, knowing that if I do I will instantly be sent into a fit of laughter that wasn't appropriate at the best of times, let alone in a Snape supervised study hall. Instead, I wait for his sarcastic comments combined with his arms to wrap around me, securing me in tight, as I inhale the lingering scent of his last explosive prank that followed him everywhere. 

It doesn't come.

I spin around still hoping to see the sweaty bright red cape but instead I am met with a much bleeker image of a jet black cape. I wince slightly as I cast my eyes further upwards but already knowing who's face I was about to see.

"No offence to your hexing abilities Miss Knight however I think that might be a challenging spell even for myself , don't you think" I hear the familiar voice of who I was dreading.

Snape.

"Boo!" a voice calls out behind me, making me jump in my seat ever so slightly.

I spin around to see a boy with floppy red hair sitting opposite me, holding his broom and still slightly flustered from training. I dramatically roll my eyes at him and let out a sigh, appearing not in the slightest bit amused but on the inside I was erupting in laughter- he really does never fail to surprise me everyday.

"I suggest,Seraphina, you go back to your allocated house table"

"Yes Professor ,of course" I say, gathering my books as I stand up to move and looking back at Fred to shake my head but unable to hold back my smile as I do so.

"I expected more from my little Deatheater, ey Phi, doesn't Deatheater training teach you how to not absolutely humiliate yourself in front of your own head of house or recognise your own boyfriend even?"

"One day you're gonna get us both killed with these jokes of yours you know that right?"

"Yeah I know...that's the fun in it all" he smirks to himself "Testing the boundaries"

I smile but bite the inside of my cheek slightly, fixated on his death eater comment. I know it's just Fred being Fred but I can't help but feel the need to defend myself.

"You know I'd never do that right ?" I stare deeply at him so he knows the jokes are over just for the moment.

"Do what ?"

"Become a Deatheater I couldn't I- I wouldn't"

"I know you wouldn't...... or I hope you wouldn't , but then again Malfoy might've corrupted at the yule ball and for all I know this is all an act while you're plotting my murder" he jokes still, raising his eyebrows slightly as he does. I walk over to slytherin's table still smiling but also unable to shift my focus from his joke, my mind riddled on whether it was actually a joke or not. Surely he would never actually think that. Then again I'm a Slytherin, it is what we're known for. I should expect it.

***start song now***

I arrive at my allocated table only to find all spots filled except one. 

One opposite him.

He was forced to look at me now for the first time in a month (but what felt like so much longer) as I sit across from him, placing my books down quietly though not wanting to draw any more unwanted attention to myself. 

My stomach instantly feels like it is being rung out like a wet cloth, being twisted and warped as my eyes lock onto his silver ones that seem to pierce me almost as sharply as they did the first time I looked into them. 

"Oh... hey Seraphina I didn't know you were in study hall today ?" I feel the need to vomit as soon as I hear the high pitched voice of Pansy.

"Yeah I was just over with Fred that's all"

"Surprise surprise, wouldn't be shocked if you were crying to Dumbledore to let him switch houses soon" She cackles while looking around to see if anyone else was, which (much to my delight) no one was, causing her to elbow Draco ,who she was sitting next to (far too close for being in public might I add) but all he does is let out a slight ha.

"And what do you mean by that exactly?" I jab back, seriously sick of her already.

"Just you haven't be around much that's all" Her eyes shift over to Draco before looking back to me, something menacing lurking in her eyes now "Bet you didn't even know me and Draco made it official did you?".

My stomach resumes it's twisted state but this time it's joined by the feeling of my throat closing up but at the same time wanting to scream with all of my breath. I gulp hoping to suppress that feeling, knowing I can't let her affect me.

"No I didn't actually, quite surprising, I'd have never pinned you two as anything more than family friends - I bet you're _both_ really happy though" I smile fakely, opening up my books and resuming my work, not needing to see Pansy's reaction as I already know I have won, hitting her on her most sensitive nerve. Taking out my quill to continue my essay, I am stopped by a hand firmly placing itself on mine.

"Sorry I just have to say, cause we obviously haven't has one of our girly talks in so long" Does this bitch ever run out of things to say? "Where did you get that bird pin of yours- in your hair ? It looks so familiar, I swear I saw your Mother ,Draco, wearing one similar when we were younger but obviously it can't be the same one."

Immediately I jolt away from my work, eyes connecting instantly again with his but they're no longer piercing. Instead, they appear almost glazed over as they waver slightly to look to my hair and then back to me. 

"So? Are you going to tell me where you got it or not?" Pansy laughs.

It's so silly really , allowing myself to be so injured by someone pointing out a hypocrisy I had already noted about myself. But ,for some reason, hearing her of all people say it while I'm gazing into his eyes and the forbiddenness of it all , brings all my emotions caving in on me all at once. 

Unable to withstand the pressure of my emotions, I almost choke on nothing but my own breath, attempting to form a reply. I reach up into my hair and trace my fingers around the pin before removing it for the first time and placing it down on the table. Taking in a deep breath, hoping to blow away the weight crushing down on me I say "It's stupid really" my voice croaking as I continue but still not letting my eyes falter from their fixed position on his "A boy I used to know gave it to me. But he turned out...not to be who I thought. He's not really the sort I want to associate myself with actually, I should've taken it off a long time ago"

"Oh dear, what a shame" Pansy replies, her condescending tone clear "I'm sure Fred wouldn't be too keen to know you're still wearing something an ex boyfriend or ... _fling_ got you would he?" making sure to emphasise the word fling, tightening all the knots intricately tied in my gut.

"Yeah.... I agree, thanks pansy for saying something, I... I won't wear it again, they're not important to me anymore anyway but I need to go do something before dinner, I'll see you in a bit" I say before rapidly stuffing my parchment paper and books back together.

My last words were true, Draco wasn't important to me now and I certainly wasn't important to him anymore.

So why is my vision blurred and the grip on the pin in my hand tighter as I leave ?

And why ,when I look back before leaving the hall, is he also looking to me ,eyebrows slightly scrunched in an almost confused daze but with his eyes just as glossy as mine?


	13. Chapter 13

** 13\. Changing  **

** <https://youtu.be/D_cMCvudZBs> **

****a/n DRACO AND FRED POVS !!!** **

**Draco's POV:**

***start song now***

I can't find the words to describe how I feel right now. Mainly because I've never felt anything similar or as intense as this. I should feel relieved - she doesn't want anything to do with me. I was nothing to her. But that wasn't what I felt - not in the slightest. The feeling that has consumed me now was much worse. 

It was as if I was physically glued to my current position, gawking at the Great Hall doorway where she stood looking back at me, mouth still parted open and eyebrows fixed in their scrunched position. My chest is clenched tight, every breath another jab at my lungs as I inhale.

The only emotion somewhat close to how I felt right now was when my Grandfather Cygnus died two years ago, I was only 12 and in my first year but the constant feeling of emptiness, like all the happiness in your life had been sucked out of you, was still so fresh in my memory. At the time I thought it was nothing deeper than a bit of temporary sadness but looking back now I could see it was much more. Death forces you see things from an entire different perspective, instantly you question your entire relationship with them; your mind continually interrogating itself with the same "what if?" questions that I can't help but ask myself now.

What if I hadn't accidentally asked her to the ball? 

What if I didn't act like such an ass at the end of that night? 

What if I wasn't being forced into a life I don't want to lead?

My brain felt sore from the bombarding presence of unknown possibilities, something which I never really dwell on, having every decision made for me and being told outright that it's the only rational one. 

"Draco ?"

At last I'm startled away from my statue like state by Crabbe

"What's wrong with you?" He asks, rather impertinently as if he had no interest in my answer whatsoever, which knowing Crabbe was probably true but more along the lines of his brain being far too many cells short to comprehend my reply.

"What do you mean what's wrong with me I'm fine" I brush him off, hoping doing so I could divert my own thoughts from the topic.

"I was only asking!" he is quick to defend "just cause you look weird like guilty or something"

Guilty?

I laugh it off rather pretentiously, almost scoffing at his ridiculous comment and how obviously stupid Crabbe was to think _**I**_ could be guilty.

But I can't help but wonder what he thought I was guilty of exactly? I'd done absolutely nothing wrong, it was all her, keeping that stupid bird pin and still wearing it - she must've known that'd throw me off a bit. It wasn't sentimental or anything, I just- I just thought it'd look really good on her. After all her hair was so similar to my mothers and it always suited her hair, of course I'd think to give it to her. Especially considering the way I asked her to the dance, I was practically obliged to give it to her. Right? She should've given it back to me at the end of the night, I was that much off an ass it was the logical thing to do wasn't it? Why would she want a reminder of someone like me with her at all times? She's with one of those freaky ginger twins now bit pathetic if you ask me. I let out a slight snort at the thought of being with a Weasley of all people- being ginger, poor and a Gryffindor couldn't get worse really.I guess it could get worse though for poor old Fred, his girlfriend still wears a gift from her ex. Is that what I am though? Am I an ex? What the hell am I?

It's not like we broke up or anything but I did ask her out.... and dance with her .... and kiss her. But then I rejected her and left her and it's not I actually like her or anything. I'd never had a girlfriend let alone been in a situation as unnecessarily complex as this or even asked someone out until her as most of my time with Pansy was arranged by our parents when I couldn't cope up with some excuse (normally Quidditch related) to get out of it.

That was it.

It was as if a match had been struck a match, starting a rapid fire that spread throughout my brain, almost making me light up as I realise.

I-

I was guilty.I nearly laugh out loud again but this time out of surprise rather than disgust. I felt.... bad for her ? Immediately all these unusual feelings make sense, I'd never felt like this before because I genuinely had not ever felt like this. Even as a kid everything I did wrong, was simply blamed on the house elves but now I did something, something wrong and no one was there to defend me so I had to face the consequences. 

I wanted a night of fun, a night full of my own decisions even if it went wrong and it did ,completely: I'd made someone great hate me so much they started dating a Weasley, but I had actually done it. It was horrible really, it felt like my soul has been ripped open but that didn't seem to matter to me because it means I'm exposing myself to the unknown and I think I quite like the unknown and not having every decision calculated for me. But then again, being in the unknown means I made her truly despise me.The complete lack of emotion on her face that was usually [SOMETHING ABOUT SMILE] and the cloudiness of her green eyes that were once like a deep forest you could get lost in just by locking onto them, was enough proof of this for me. 

I was going to have to get over that, quite how I don't know but it had to be done. 

I can't stay in the unknown forever after all.

***

**Fred's POV:**

I thought we'd moved past him, the both of us not just her - I found it hard to restrain myself when I saw him, I often found myself plotting ways to transform him back into a ferret so I could set Mrs Norris on him. Sometimes that felt like the only way we could be at peace but then again even when he wasn't around something , I could never figure out what, was never quite right with Phi. I still ask her every time I notice, knowing before I even open my mouth to form the words I'm going to receive the same three words ("I'm fine silly") joined with a smile, which is why I sneak over to the Slytherin table right before dinner starts so I ask her.

She's sat in one of my Quidditch jumpers again, instantly causing a grin to erupt on my face as I see how big it is on her and how the sleeves are rolled up and yet it still hangs to cover her hands. This wasn't my only jumper she'd managed to steal over the past three months, she made the same excuses every time but her favourite was that she liked the smell and it reminded her of spending Christmas at the burrow as she wore it. I fell for it (rather foolishly) every time without a doubt. But I guess that's what you do when you love someone, you'd give them anything just to bring even a smidge of joy to their lives, to try and relieve a small part of how shitty her life has been until she came to Hogwarts. She'd never tell anyone the real reason she works so hard, I know that she'd much rather take a trip into the Forbidden Forest with a tiny first year as a guide than people think she doesn't deserve to be here. It can't have been easy, firstly being orphaned and then on top of that finding out you're a freaking witch of all things and you're being shipped off to a castle in Scotland. But as I said you'd never realise, not unless you relentlessly chase her for four years after she managed to impress you with her hexing abilities. After all these years, hearing about her "accidentally" giving Theodore Nott a tail in Transfiguration class is definitely a highlight.

I come up behind her to wrap my arms around her tight, leaning into her neck to kiss it gently but discreetly as I cover for us with my longish hair.

"H-hey ! You shouldn't be over here, you've seen how much Snape hates us mingling these days" she smiles up at me "Do you like my new jumper by the way, I nicked it from this weird ginger gryffindor kid when he fell asleep on me on a date _**he**_ invited me on?!"

"I know I know I had to come ask you something though and in the kids defense firstly he's nearly 17 and secondly it was late and you forced him to listen to your rendition of some weird muggle music" I laugh

"It's not weird music it's the Beatles have some respect!" she scoffs, rolling her eyes at me "But anyway what did you want to ask?"

"I just wanted to see if you were alright, after you got moved I mean, next to him?" I try and say as smoothly as possible without trying to sound like your typically jealous boyfriend but obviously I fail as I watch her try and attempt to hide her fallen face as she tucks her some loose stands of hair behind her ears while rather furiously shaking her head while saying "N-no I'm fine" voice now sounding rather hoarse.

Wrong three words.

No smile afterwards.

Not knowing what to say, I give her one last hug before hurrying over to my spot. Throughout dinner I try to remove it from my memory and act like she'd said the usual and yet it still stands firmly prominent in my mind. In one last attempt to reassure myself she genuinely was alright and was probably just hungry I decide to write her a note.

"I still have a few spare dungbombs if Malfoy bothers you anymore"

That should do it .

When no one appears to be looking I enchant it over to her, hoping to produce a smile on hers and ,consequently, my face. However, as it lands next to her she doesn't jump up to meet my eyes as I would expect but darts her eyes to her left where much to my disgust _**he**_ was obviously sitting. When he doesn't look back at her I see the confusion sprawl over her face as she opens up the note only to see my writing to her. I watch as her cheeks flame red as she looks in my direction and her face falls just as it did earlier before she picks it back up again to laugh at me. But again something is still not quite right only now I think I know what it is

I'm not him.

**a/n prepare yourself, things with Draco are about to get .... interesting...**


	14. Chapter 14

**14\. Clandestine Meetings and Stolen Affairs**

**<https://youtu.be/MLV2SJKWk4M> **

"In.... aanndd out" I speak inbetween breaths to myself in the mirror of the fourth year dorms, everyone else having already left for breakfast which I was skipping today to focus on something that was bothering me.

I don't know why I did it but I can't have meant it surely. I was just disorientated, the note took me by surprise that's all. How was I to know Draco would be sat there or that Fred would be watching me so intently as I did so. It was all a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding I am going to move past from today while I also move past something else. Or should I say someone else.

I pull my satchel onto my shoulder and take one last glance back at the dorm before I leave for Potions. I can't help but look back to one place in particular: my bedside table, upon which the bird pin sat ever since yesterday evening. 

I don't need it- it doesn't mean anything- and yet not wearing it for the first time made me feel rather uneasy, making me pause further before closing the door and making my way down the stairs.

***

I blend into the morning rush crowds that fill the corridors of the castle, worming my way through hoping to arrive at potions earlier than the others. These past few months had been filled with far too much lateness and with exams so close now I can't let that continue. But more importantly than that, I wanted today to be a total new start, a day where I didn't let my mind wander onto impossible thoughts about him.

It's not a far walk from the dorms to the classroom as they're both in the dungeons but the first years who still can't seem to find their way around make it feel like I'll never reach class in time as I'm pushed and pulled through the crowd. Suddenly I'm pushed and pulled tighter as I am grabbed by one hand in particular as I'm dragged away from the crowded space but I don't have a chance to tell who by as I'm much more concerned with fighting back.

As I'm pulled into what I thought was a broom cupboard I push myself away from my attacker so that I can see his identity.

But when I do I can't help but be both shocked by an infuriating yet familiar face. 

It was him.

Again.

"Draco Malfoy would you like to explain why I'm in a broom cupboard please?" I huff, annoyed as my hopes for a mind clear of him to be destroyed once again - for two people who apparently want nothing to do with each other we sure do seem to keep on involving ourselves with the other constantly. 

"It's about your little boyfriend-" he sneers but I cut him off before he can continue.

"Little? Him standing next to you is just like Hagrid standing next to Flitwick, humble yourself" I laugh in disbelief that he still holds himself so highly but he just rolls his eyes at me . "What has he done wrong now then? Or-" I pause before taking a step closer to him, deciding I wasn't done teasing him "are you just jealous of him again?"

"I thought I told you before Seraphina- I wasn't jealous then so I'm certainly not jealous now" He scoffs with such arrogance it actually took me back from the stark difference between Fred's soft nature (under all the jokes that is ).

"And I thought I told you to call me Phi" I don't know why being called by my full name was so infuriating for me, it wasn't till I came here that I had even considered it for a nickname but then again everything changed when I came here so I guess that's why. I wanted a fresh slate much like how I wanted one this morning and look how that turned out - I didn't even last an hour without becoming enclosed in him and all the theatrics that follow him.

"Quite frankly I couldn't care less what your name is" 

My chest almost stings when he says this and I know that's exactly what he wants from me, he "couldn't care less" how I felt unless 

"You obviously care about something enough to drag me in here, I'm not the only one with lessons to be attending right now"

"Rightly so, so if you're done can I continue?"

I shrug, attempting to make it look like I also couldn't care less about him but truly wanting to know every inch of detail about what Fred had done, knowing it was probably about what he saw at dinner last night - which was just an honest mistake, right? Why would I intentionally look at him when the sight of him just invokes tear tainted memories.

"Good, well actually not so good, he found a way to sneak dungbombs into my dorm" he says suddenly rather seriously but I still don't get the big deal ;dungbombs are to Fred what being an entitled ass is to Draco - it was a permanent part of him "my uniform reeks now so maybe it's not me who's the jealous one"

"Oh really?" I say , arching my eyebrows joined by an attempt to conceal my laugh through biting my lip slightly. I lean forwards and inhale to see how dramatic he was being about the smell of his uniform but I am met with nothing unusual just his regular complex scent. I go to lean back but am halted as his wand comes to rest under my chin, pulling my head up so that my eyes are locked completely onto his, our faces so close I can feel his heated breath.

"Personal space Seraphina, control yourself... and control your boyfriend"

I snatch myself away from his hold on me, an intense fire ripping it's way through me along with total fury at demand.

" ** _I_** should control **_him_**? Maybe you should control yourself, I don't know about Pansy but most girls don't appreciate being manhandled. Besides I don't really think you have a right to tell me what to do Malfoy" I spit at him, unable to hold back from defending myself but also Fred in a way. He just stands there in stunned silence but I'm familiar with the expression painted on his face- the paleness of his skin and the slight scrunching of his eyebrows joined with a new tiredness in his eyes I had only just acknowledge transports me back to all those months ago. Back to when I took a leap of faith and put all of my trust in him by rejecting Cedric, back when I followed him into the bathroom and somehow pulled him out of panic struck mindspace. I've never known a person able to remove their emotions like he does - one moment filled with anger the next seeming to look right through me as if it was just him stood alone in this broom cupboard.

"Give me the pin back" he suddenly demands, slipping back into his emotions again.

"w-what why I-" I can't seem to find a response to his sudden burst of dominance.

"Well I never told you before.It's my Mothers. She wants it back"

"Draco I can-" I know I refused to wear it this morning but after everything I've become rather attached to the bird shaped piece of metal that always sits in may hair and quite frankly I'd only not worn it as an act of protest against myself.

"Yes , yes you can don't act like you didn't take it off so easily yesterday" My mouth falls open but no words tumble out with it, leaving me utterly struck dumb by his most direct attack at me yet.

"It wasn't like that " I form some words at last.

"Oh really so what was it like Seraphina?" Him using my full name yet again and his complete lack of understanding any basic human emotions right now drives me forwards. If there was a fire inside me before, there was certainly a volcano erupting in me now desperate to be let out.

"Oh, I'll tell you what it was like. I'll tell you what it was like to spend quite literally one of the best nights of your life with a boy you actually like only the next day for him to walk past you like you didn't exist, like you didn't share a kiss just hours previously. I'll tell you what it's like to see him days later all over the girl you share a bedroom with. Actually let me tell you what it was like to spend Christmas wondering why you're not good enough. Or should I tell you about how I still wear that pin to remind myself of the only point in my life I have felt total self confidence to try and forget the fact that same confidence being destroyed just hours after." 

***start song now***

I can no longer see him standing in front of me, everything becomes just a blur of black, brown and white hues as I list out everything so vividly that I've been through since he first came into my life. Normally I would clear my vision of the tears but I want him to see me like this. I want him to see the effect he has on people. I want him to hear the crack in my voice as it crumbles along with the rest of me. I want desperately to continue but revealing so much too him hasn't lifted any pressure off of me but instead feels like it has let it all fall back onto me, crushing me with the intensity of it all. I bat my eyes closed and take a deep breath, knowing I can't stay in here much longer. Without either of us saying another word after my outpour, I move my hand swiftly to my right to reach for the door knob, hoping to make a quick escape before he probes me any further. My hand clasps around the doorknob which seems strikingly frozen compared to my trembling clammy palm.

My grip on the doorknob tightens with the gentle placement of another hand on top of mine, taking me aback when I realise it is his.

"Don't" he whispers softly, surprising me again how fast he can change.

"Why shouldn't I ? I've got nothing left to say to you. What is there to stay for? "

"This" And with that he spun me around, hands gripping me as they move up my torso and crashing his lips into mine, causing my whole body to relax into his as he does. I knew I should push him off but I feel drawn to him, suctioned to him by his own force of gravity. This mornings pumpkin juice was still laced on his lips as he invaded all my senses, sending my stomach twisting and yet was still so inviting. It was as if I was hypnotized - totally and utterly consumed by him, all at once without a moment to ease into it.

My body tingles all over, every movement and touch heightened as his hands travel around and up my torso.The moment his hands slip swiftly under my shirt, I feel a surge of heat rise in my core but I repel against it, pushing him away from me.

Tucking my shirt back in I say breathlessly "Draco Malfoy I hope you weren't expecting me to make out with you in a broom cupboard of all places", teasing him.

"And why's that" he smirks down at me.

"You're making me late again, turning me into quite the trouble maker"

"Oh-" he responds but more shocked than flirty "wasn't expecting that answer"

"Why not?"I laugh, unsure where he was taking this.

"Well ... you know, your little boyfriend".

It was as if from the moment we interlocked I was completely under his trance, my memory wiped like an Obliviate victim. I had tried so hard to move past this, to move past him but I just, I just couldn't - I was totally compelled by him.Draco was an intoxicating drug and I was his addict, no matter what I do I fall back into him desperate for more, allowing him to be the one to consume me. Ever since we met I've been unable to shift him from my mind, allowing the thought of him to constantly taunt me.

But that's the problem, just as when you get the low after the exhilarating high, after being with the Draco all the regret comes flooding in, leaving me at my low filled with guilt tripped sickness that washed away the sensation of us being intertwined so that the only feeling that remained was the agony of my own self disgust.

However, amongst the agony there was still a glimmer of something else and I wasn't sure what. But whatever it was, was the cause for my face to be plastered with a beaming smile.


	15. 15. Hurting Who You Love

<https://youtu.be/ASt2TJ48r6k>

**_TW: anxiety/ panic attacks - it's not explicitly mentioned but just in case :)_ **

**_Seraphina's POV:_ **

**_*start song now*_ **

My smile fades as harshly cold cobblestones are welcoming to touch as I sink down onto them, feeling just as grey and bleak as the floor I sit on as my knees bunch up for my head to lean on as I completely collapse into myself. Bitter tears escape my eyes, taking my breath away with it as my lungs struggle to function as a considerable lump lodges itself in my throat, all my tension building up as my chest seems to weigh itself down, growing larger and heavier until-

Amidst all the fuzz and screams of my mind, I somehow pickout the slight scuffle of movement that I swear comes almost close enough for me to catch sight of his perfectly polished leather brogues. Instead I slam my eyes shut wanting to block him out in any way possible. However, this was rather difficult when the only thing I could seem to focus on was three words that were seemingly harmless but were now hunting down any positive thoughts I had left in my mind- "Your little boyfriend". 

I allow the air into my lungs shakily as the scuffle fades and melts away into the rest of my surroundings but every rise in my chest stabbed deeper than the last forcing every muscle in my body to contract so I sink back into my palms.

My little boyfriend.

Flashes of ginger hair, big smiles and knitted jumpers swarm my brain each one twisting my gut into a tangled knot at the thought of them being stripped away due to my own actions.

My boyfriend. 

Now there were no flashes, there was nothing left apart from the jabs in my chest and the tightening in my stomach which were continuing to grow more and more every second I sat here. 

Not my boy friend but my BOYFRIEND. 

I allowed myself to concentrate fully on my thoughts now in a desperate attempt to transport myself away from my current setting and the pain it seemed to be causing me: 

And then there was me.

His little girlfriend.

But more importantly than that, I'm his best friend - his best friend of four years and at the first chance I get to potentially destroy that I take it. No. I didn't "just take it" . I seized it and did a victory lap afterwards for fun. I actually roll my eyes in complete disgust at my own actions "All cause his hands reached under your shirt, nice one" I scoff while also clutching the area on my stomach that just ten minutes ago he was tracing with his icy grasp, sending surges of shivers to explode all over my body.

It didn't matter to me right now that I was his girlfriend or that I was currently pouring out my emotions in some random corridor after being reminded of that fact. Malfoy didn't even matter to me in this moment , neither did that fact that he had filled me up with every emotion just to sharply pull the plug, draining me of what felt like all my emotions. 

What did matter was that all this had left just one feeling - guilt- and it was that which left me drowning in my own regret now as my mind forces me to picture the inevitable when he finds out...

Seclusion used to be my escape but now it would surely become my stark reality. Apart from the hidden corners of the castle that welcome me on my secret outings, Freddie was my only true friend, the only one who just, just got it. He wasn't like Professor Trelawney who had to read my tea leaves or consult her orb to get to know me nor was he like Hermione or Ron or even Harry who I would sit by in study hall or ,if I could manage to sneak past Snape, at lunch too. But they weren't the friends who'd invite me back home for Christmas or pull an all nighter to make me my own box of every flavour beans. 

Freddie was though.He always was.

But Freddie also wasn't the 'friend' you make out with in a closet when you're supposed to be in potions class nor was he the 'friend' who'd kiss you in front of Cedric Diggory. He wasn't the 'friend' who makes me want to burn my eyes off whenever I see him and Pansy Pureblood Parkinson together. He most definitely wasn't the friend who , when they are together, looks in my direction for less time than a blink of an eye but as we lock onto each other, something calls out to me as if my own body knows a truth I'm yet to discover.

Then again, I never thought Malfoy would be that 'friend' either and yet, here we are: breathlessly slumped against a wall contemplating what my life looks like if I ever manage to detach myself from the floor. 

These thoughts send a crusade of waves of total anger to wash over me drowning out all the regret and guilt that had been consuming me up until this point. After all of this I'm trying to prove to myself I'm not a total bitch cause I got to make out with him a few times and I get a 'feeling' when he looks at me. 

How pathetic...

That "feeling" is probably just utter disgust at the state of a person that boy is because that's all he is really: just a silly little boy who's run out of toys to play with so has happened upon my emotions as his current victim. But I wasn't going to be his little toy anymore. I was above that. 

Suddenly, I rise up from my position on the floor and waft away any bits of dust from my cloak finding an immediate urgence to hurry to potions class. What lay after it with Freddie was still partially unclear but I knew I had to tell him within the next few days and I knew his reaction to this would probably include a lot more Dungbombs for Malfoy to complain about. What I didn't know was how he would react to me, would I receive Dungbombs or social isolation?

I don't give myself time to answer this as I collect myself once more before I scurry down the corridor towards the Potions classroom. One thing I can thank Malfoy for is picking the closest make out closet to the dungeons, making my life even the slightest bit easier right now. 

I push open the door fully, feeling well equipped to ignore Malfoy's existence for the entirety of this lesson and many hereafter. However, my lips part as my eyes dart forwards towards the last thing I was ever expecting to see after this morning: Malfoy and Freddie smiling at each other (sincerely might I add) right hands interlocked, moving up and down in a hand shake.

And with that everything comes crumbling down once more.

I had acted like I was so above him, deluded myself into thinking it was all his fault: he had weaved his way into my life, leaving me with no escape as he suffocated me. I knew it wasn't true, I knew I had an escape and ,more importantly, I knew exactly what or who that escape was, and yet I blocked him out. I had blinded myself to reality all because I wanted to make myself feel better. Look how long that lasted, I'll give myself two minutes max.

I was no victim. I shouldn't have stayed after he told me to. Scrap that. I shouldn't have even wasted a second of my time in that closet once I realised it was him who had dragged me in there. 

But I did and worse than that I wanted to. I wanted to stay and waste my time searching his eyes for a glimmer of anything and hear him lecture me like one of his so called friends he dictates about everywhere because then I can delude myself just a bit more so that I can have hope that somewhere, even if it's hidden deep inside him, that boy that took me to the Yule Ball is somewhere waiting to come back out.

But until then I am stuck with this version of him, whomst I was equally disgusted and entranced by. But for some reason, the latter seems to be haunting me much more than the first, leaving no victims apart from one.

Freddie. 


End file.
